Family

The Apple of My Eye

Michael likes helping me in the kitchen. He would make his own soup by adding many of my spices to cold water. He insisted that I warm it up and taste it. That was the wrost soup I ever ate. He never knew the soup was bad, because I would say um -- that's good.

We had many wonderful days together. He loved riding his bike. Instead of saying, "Follow behind me." He would say, "Follow up to me." I became a good pitcher, because we played ball. He always batted. I don't get to see him much, because they moved to Hanover. He will call and say, "Nanny, get in your truck and come to my house."

My son, Jeff, is his father. When my son punishes him, he asks me, "Can't you say something to your boy?"

I am proud of my son and his wife. They really show an interest in him. He excels well in school. They have taught him well.

Michael goes to Battlefield Elementary. He is in the first grade. He loves helping his teacher. His interests are computer, reading, art and Spanish. He is also in the Cub Scouts and has several belts in Karate. I'm very proud of him.

I worked as a maid, housekeeper, restaurant worker and a cook. I did not want to do this kind of work, but I could not do anything else because I could not read well to get a good job. I always wanted a job answering the phone. That's the kind of job I want today. I hope things get better for me. My husband, he finished school. He was good for that. Out of all my seven children, only one did not finish school, the oldest one dropped out in the tenth grade. I tried all I could to keep her in school, but right now she cannot get a good job, only cleaning that is so bad. I think that she could have stayed in school. When I knew she was not going to school, I told her, "If you liked me, you would go to school, honey."

I have nine grandchildren who always want grandmother to read books to them. Some of their books I can read, but not all of them. I have five granddaughters and four grandsons. It's the girls who always want me to read to them.

I have worked in a restaurant; I did not like that kind of work. My children and me have lived in Charlottesville for about twenty some years. I did not go farther in school than the ninth grade. I was married at nineteen years old. My husband and I worked for some people. We had a two-bedroom house. We started working just like my mother and father had. He was paid thirty-five dollars a week, and for me they paid twelve dollars a week. For food, we did not have to pay that much money then, because the vegetables came from the garden. All we had to do was pick them.

Growing up, I was always loved by both parents, but for some reason I believed as a child that my parents loved my older sister more than me. Because of that, I chose to behave negatively, thinking that those actions would gain their attention. No matter how much trouble I got into with the law, they have always gotten me out. Then I got into a gang and I thought my life was fine; at least that's what I believed at the time, but actually that's when Satan took over my life completely. During that time, the drugs started. Once I got on them, there was nothing I wouldn't do, even to my family and kids. I stole from my mother and father to support my drug habit. My parents have cried many days and nights because of me. I was so bad that they put me out and took my kids from me. As time passed, my son was 15 years old and he didn't even want to talk to me on the phone. I felt my family had totally turned him against me.

I moved out of town and lost all contact with my family for a year. Within that year, I sent my mother money for the kids every week, so things were beginning to get better, and thankfully my parents gave me another chance. I moved back home and they helped me rebuild a relationship with my kids. Through all this, my daughter never stopped loving me, but my son was afraid that I would leave him again. It took him awhile to trust me, but after he saw me working trying to get my life on track, he started to come around. I got an apartment and my daughter was living with me, but my son chose to live with my sister.

I thought the drugs, gangs, and all the other bad things I had participated in were behind me, but I was mistaken. I went to a party one night where there were drugs and I, unfortunately, relapsed. My life was over once again. I called my niece to pick up my daughter and she did. My family could not fathom why I made those choices I made at that time. This time the drug abuse was worse than ever. I lost everything: my job, my apartment, kids, family, but most importantly, my self-respect and dignity. I began shoplifting and living on the streets and in abandoned buildings. I stole credit cards for drug dealers, and two of the stores I went in had cameras, and I got caught. I asked myself where were all of those friends that I thought I had. Once again, no one was there for my family. I got sentenced to serve three years, and when they handcuffed me, my little girl screamed, "Mommy, No! Please let my mommy go!" If only you knew the pain I felt in hearing those words. I had nightmares for a long time, but one day I decided to write what I was feeling and it turned into a poem. It's entitled "Thank you!"

I'm proud to say today that God placed me here for a reason -- to teach me a lesson and to save my life. It's two years later and to be able to say I have contact with my kids and they both love me and forgive me makes me sure that I will never take them or my family for granted again. I can't say that it's all behind me, but they do love and trust me, and all I can do is take things one day at a time.

When I was about four or five years old, my mom wanted to make a new life for us, so she decided to move, which my dad didn't want. We were living in South Carolina at this time. My mom wanted to leave the country and show her kids a better life. When mom packed her girls up first and brought us to Washington, D.C., she came to the city first and got a job and a two-bedroom apartment, so we had a place to come to when we arrived. A few years later my mom came and got the boys and brought them to Washington, D.C. Even though my dad stayed behind in South CArolina, our family was still completed, because my mom made sure that we all stayed together. This is why my family is so important to me. Even though we've been through so much, we all managed to stay together. And now that we're all grown up, the baby is 32 years old, and my oldest sister died in 1995 of AIDS. The rest of us have become even closer and our mother is our pride and joy. So many families get separated and grow up not knowing their mom, their dad or even their sister and brother, but our family is together. We are going to stay together, and swhen I get out of here I will be the young lady my mother brought me up to be, and follow my dreams to be a better person and to respect myself more than I did. When I leave here, I won't be leaving alone, it will be with my dignity and respect, and GOD, and of course, my G.E.D if possible. You know, the more I got into this essay of how important my family is to me, it also speaks about my hero, and that hero is my mom.

On July 15, 1998, I was terminated from the Second Genesis Program. AFter I left the program I went to see my probation officer to let her know that I had been terminated from the program. I was walking through this path going to the store to buy me a beer, but I didn't have enough money to buy myself a beer. So, I walked back through the path, which they call the cut; the cut is where people hand out and drink alcohol. I stopped and spoke and hugged some guys that I knew and asked them for some change to get a beer. So Anthony asked, "What about me; don't I get a hug?" So I said, "No, why should you?" Looking him up and down, I said, "What the hell, why not." That's how Anthony and I met. My main concern is his health because he is a diabetic. Because his job requires him to travel a lot, he doesn't get his proper rest. He really doesn't take time out to eat like he's supposed to eat, nor does he get proper sleep.

I hope and pray that Anthony and I can spend the rest of our lives together, because he is my only family. We are planning to get married when I get released from Fluvanna prison this year. I know in my heart that he loves me unconditionally, because he has always been there for me even through my incarceration. I can talk to him about any and everything. He accepts me for who I am and doesn't try to change me. He is a Christian man and very understanding, and that's why I love him. He doesn't do drugs, and he's not abusive. He's very easy to get along with. I am really happy with him and looking forward to marrying Anthony.

Certain holidays, such as Thanksgiving and Christmas, bring on sad times because loved ones may be deceased or moved far away. Relatives that you were once close to may be incarcerated or simply reluctant to join such festivities.

For some, holidays bring on depression and anxiety because of job-related or money reasons. Times are hard and some do not have the happiness in the hearts to share, simply because holidays have become so commercial.

Furthermore, there is such emphasis based on how much one can spend or buy that holidays don't even carry the same meaning as they did when our parents and grandparents brought us up to know that love of our family members brings us closer together in our unity. It makes me feel sad. But I feel the love that is here at the present time in looking and wondering where and whom is from which side of the family.

So in conclusion, maybe if we strive harder to stay in touch and keep the bonds of family unity stronger, we may be able to avoid the holiday blues.

For dreams are meant to come true. For me, my dreams are to see my mother again and to know that she's doing just fine. Then, I'd like to see my children stay in school, graduate, go to college, and to get good jobs. Most of all, my dreams and hopes are to get my chances to see my son, Terrance, and my daughter Tenisha, graduate from high school and college. This was something that I never had a chance to do when I graduated from high school.

If they don't go to college, then at least I know my dreams will come true when my babies do graduate from high school and get good jobs. Then they would know what living a good life is all about.

I know that I have goals and dreams, too. I would love to make my mind up to complete the "L.I.P" program and pass my "T.A.B.E Test" with high scores. Then I would like to achieve my goals by completing all phases of the "T.C." (Therapeutic Community) program. That would keep from going back out into society doing the things that I know would cause me to return to places like the Fluvanna Correctional Center for Women.

The change that I must make that will help me to complete my goals and dreams in the program is to become a person with a postiive attitude. Now, if all our hopes and dreams are achieved, my family and I could enjoy life much easier with a sense of pride and success.

My daughter is a very big part of my life. She's my only child. I had the joy and blessing to watch her grow beautifully. I was there for her first smile, first word, and first steps. I feel really bad that I didn't spend all the time that I should have spent with her. Soon she will be starting her first day of school and I won't be there to share that special moment with her. I am so very proud of her!

I love to play basketball with my brother and play cards with my sisters. We love to take my daughter out in the snow or go to the playgrounds with her. When I get out, I would like to take my family to the mountains and in the summer time maybe to the beach.

I feel that now I am incarcerated, I finally realize just how important my family really is to me. When I do go home, I would like to get a job working with children. I love to hear children laugh and play. I love to see them smile. I want to be the one a child, especially my daughter, can look up to.

I believe that family is a very important thing, especially because of my incarceration. When I do get released, I will never have the joys of having a child. I wish every woman could experience the joy of being a mother.

My father was the Attorney General in Afghanistan. All my brothers graduated from college. My sister is a teacher.

The Soviet Union came to my country in 1979. When the communist regime came to my country, three of my brothers went to jail. I have not seen them for twenty year.

My mother died in Pakistan last year. I was in Egypt. Right now, my family lives in Afghanistan. My father and two brothers live in Afghanistan. My sister lives in Pakistan.

I am a graduate of the Law College at Cairo University in Egypt.

I was unhappy in my childhood. At that time, my father and my mother were busy with their work. Because of work, my mother was obliged to separate from my father. I followed my mother to a city and my sister followed my father to another city. It was far. I missed them very much and felt lonely till they were together after many years. I was very happy when my father and my sister went to see my mother and me once a year. I like to go to school and play sports.

My son is six years old. He is a lovely and naughty boy. He is our hope. He is big and likes to eat. He often makes a change, such as lose weight, but the resolution is too difficult to him. When he see something he wants to eat, he can't help eating too much. I often teach him Chinese, math and English. I am strict with him. I hope he is in good education and has good future. I hope he is to be a brave, honest, and healthy boy. I like him very much.

My husband works in the Medical Center of University of Virginia. He is often busy with his work and works hard. We often think a lot about our family's future. He wants to be a famous doctor. We want to make enough money to live a better life. We want to give my son the things that our parents could not give us. We know that there are many things we have to learn. So we have to learn everything we can to help us reach this goal.

Unfortunately, first time we arrived at the Dallas, Texas. We were supposed to arrive at the Washington DC Dulles Airport. In Korean language "Dallas" and "Dulles" are very similar. We waited one hour for our relatives. It was very late. Airport hall was empty but we didn't know what was wrong. Fortunately, we met a Korean who works there. He arranged our way to Washington, D.C.

My daughters enrolled in public schools in Virginia. One day my daughter missed the school bus. She walked home. She went the other way though. She became confused and called home. My family did not have the license yet. My nephew picked her up. He was laughing all the way. American roads look the same everywhere. Newcomers get lost all the time.

Now, I am very proud of my daughters. My two daughters are attending the University of Virginia. They are good girls. My husband got a job as a metalroofing subcontractor. He is a very nice man. His hobby is fishing. I like it too. He always hopes to catch a big fish. We have a dog. She is 13 years old and her name is Coacoa. She used to be my nephew's dog. Coacoa used to steal food when we don't look at her. Now she is so old that she doesn't care.

We moved to Charlottesville 8 months ago. I enrolled in the Jefferson school adult ESL program. I am very thankful for this ESL program in Charlottesville. This education town atmosphere helps me learn English and computer skills. I met a good teacher here. I really want to learn English. My two daughters encouraged me, saying that I can do it.

We are strangers no more. We like the American living style. People are friendly and have more room in their hearts. Thank you for reading.

I came to the U.S. with my husband. Now, he is a student of DArden School. As he has corporate sponsorship, he has to return to Japan after graduation. His short goal is to produce competitive advantage for his sponsor company. His long term goal is to become a professor then to teach his experience and knowledge to young generations in Japan. Before coming in the U.S., I just wanted to support him when he would try to approach his goal because I agreed with his goals, but I did not know what I could do. I just asumed that I could work as a clerk in the Tokyo branch of U.S. Investment bank after returning Japan because I assumed that I would learn English in the U.S. Now my hope is to support my husband's dreams and to realize my dream to help international people coming in Japan. Now ourdreams become same in terms of education. I believe that we can try to improve our ability to achieve our common goals with helping each other because we have same type of dreams.

I had a ahpy childhood, teens and youth. My father was a doctor. My mother was a cook. They loved me very much. My father helped me when I met some difficulties in my study. He usually told me to choose the good stories about heroes in the world. My mother always let me wear clean and pretty clothes. She wanted me to have a merry life. I love my parents very much. They made me know the meaning and feeling of a happy, warm, and safe family filled with love.

I brought this feeling to come in to my youth. I got my own happy family after I was married. My husband is a good husband and a good father. He has been studying and working hard. Now he works in the University of Virginia. I always hope successes will come with his work. My daughter is twelve years old this year. She is a six-grade student at the Jack Jouett middle school. My daughter likes to draw pictures and to do handicrafts. I hope her to have a merry life and to have a healthy body and mind. Now, I haven't a job, but I am studying English and caring for my family. My dream is to find a good job in a pharmacy.

My family is often full of cheerful chatting and laughing. We talk about activiites of a life together, discuss family together, take a walk together, go to shopping together, play ball together, play a game together, enjoy and share happiness together. I love my family very much.

My father was healthy and strong. One day he had a fever that continued for three weeks with little remission. Consequently we were anxious about his health. He needed medical help, as my mother said, "You need a thorough check up." My father vehemently refused to go to the hospital. He replied, "Anybody who goes to the hospital, never comes back." Probably he had this pre-set belief that came from the death of his older brother who died in the hospital. My family members somehow managed to convince him to go to the hospital on the promise that as soon as his investigation was done, he would be back home from hospital.

As my father got ready to go to the hospital, I noticed something very unusual. He sat on his bed, with his chin on his hands, that were lying on the top of his walking stick. He looked very gloomy and uttered to himself feebly, "see , whether I am coming back or not." I heard him to exclaim the sorrow of his hopeless mind. I thought he was nervous about going to the hospital. But ultimately he did go to the hospital.

The investigation revealed his kidneys were inactive. He also suffered from high blood pressure and diabetes including other complications, so he had to be hospitalised for treatment. We could not realize that he might die so soon because he looked great.

As he slept in the hospital, he feel from his bed and caused serious damage to his normal activities. He lost his speech and was unable to walk. He even had a hard time moving his body. It continued for a few days and suddenly after the fifth day his speech was back and the following day he began to eat normally. After the seventh day, he started walking on his own. The changes of his activities seemed to be hopeful, and we were happy assuming he was recovering.

The evening of the seventh day my father's health condition deteriorated. He developed acute breathing trouble. Around 2:00 o'clock in the morning he felt extremely bad and screamed "Oxygen -- oxygen, I need oxygen, please hurry." My mother and brother were sleeping nearby my father, they woke up and rushed to help him. They called the doctor and asked the nurse to bring an oxygen cylinder. But before the oxygen arrived my father passed away. Before the last breath he whispered to my mother "pray to god, he will take care of you." He could not talk any more. That was the end. My father left for good. His dead body came back home.

The morning my father died, a strange incident happened. While my father was at his last breath in the hospital, I was sleeping at home and had a bad dream. In the dream I saw some one was beating my father with a stick. He came running to me and fell on my lap to hide and take shelter. Immediate after that dream I woke up at the hard knock at the door. My sister opened the door inquisitively and found my cousin, who brought news from the hospital about my father that his sickness was aggravated. Immediately we rushed to the hospital. Unfortunately, my father passed away before we got there. I lost my loving father. The shock was grave to me. I never thought that my father would die so soon.

My father wanted to live longer. He had work to do. But scheduled death is inevitable. Death is certain. We should remember this.

I always stayed in a mental depression behind this stereotype. I was forced to believe I had to achieve it or I would be a failure in life. As time went on and I had no husband -- and I was the mother of four sons -- I felt like I was a failure in life. I felt so alone and depressed. I cried all the time because I was afraid to die alone.

As time went on I moved to Virginia, in search of happiness. Little did I know all was in God's hands, for my life, from the moment I left New York. It was after les than a year in Virginia that I was sent to prison. Little did I know AI was on my way to being whole, meeting the man God had in store for me. In my mind the American Dream, the marriage, was all gone.

One day my roommate Cheri asked if I would like to write someone. I thought to myself: she does not know any Christian men -- this is a set up! She really did not like me anyway, so I said, "Yeahf." Really, I was trying to be funny. Two weeks later a letter came for me. I was shocked. He was too good to be true. A good head, a good position in life, a Reverend of the Lord, spiritually in touch with God and himself -- what a man! I wrote to him three times and his mom one time. His mom was very nice to me, also. She did not hold it against me that I was in prison. She said people make mistakes and God has forgiven me for anything I have done in my life.

Around the third letter he asked me to marry him. I was shocked. I went to God in prayer abut him. Should I marry him? Not only has he told me I am free to marry him -- he showed me a little of our future together from time to time. He also showed me I am his wife and how God is going to bring us out of prison. We both had our doubts. We both have been hurt by past relationships. We both felt a call in our lives and God made the both of us whole. As I look back, God does given broken people to those who are whole. I truly was broken and so was he, but thanks to God's grace and mercy, my fear of dying alone had left, because Jesus told me he will never leave me nor forsake me. He is always with me and when I die I can know I will not be alone.

Our letters to one another are so uplifting to each other. We have learned we are so much alike in so many ways. Something that has happened to him has also happened to me. For examnple, both of our left legs were smashed. We think alike. We are the same sign --d Leo. We like the same food, but most of all we love the Lord with all our hearts, souls, minds, and bodies. We are looking forward to our life together when I am out of prison. Raising our child and having our house with a picket fence -- just a bigger family with one more on the way. I willbe Mrs. Reverend J. R. Woods. I like the sound of that!

All praise be to God who made us both whole so we can serve God and love one another with the love of Jesus. True love, the kind that never fails, that lasts a lifetime. I have also found out that I do not have to have a husband, to feel loved, wanted, needed. I am loved, accepted, cleansed by God. Praise God for His gift. Life is so much brighter because of my husband. Children, picket fence, house, my dream ofa perfect life in Christ. God is the key to true happiness. I would not have it any other way.

When I was five years old my mother was cooking on the stove and told me not to go near it. Well, I didn't listen. My mother went to the bathroom, and of course I went straight to the stove. While messing with the stove my tee shirt caught on fire. I started running from the kitchen and then from one bedroom to the other. After a while my mother was able to catch me and put the fire out. It turned out that I had third-degree burns over my whole left side. All I could do was yell for my dada. My daddy was very upset. He told me that when my mother tells me to do something from now on, that is what he expects me to do. He held me while he drove me all the way to the hospital.

Myh father has taken care of me by himself, with a little help from my sisters. I was seven years old whenh my mother decided that she couldn't handle her children any more, and she left. I was sad -- I felt like my mom no longer loved me. My father came to the rescue. He put us in another place. He also told me that my mother would be back and that everything would be all right.

A couple of years later I needed my tonsils removed. My hero dad was right there beside me. When I played on the Little League baseball team, somehow I cut my leg open. Guess what? My hero dad was right there. Although my dad worked two jobs, he still was always there when I needed him. Even when I thought I was all right and I was a big girl, he was still there whenever I called.

My father is seventy-six years old, and recently he was robbed and almost killed. I felt like my life was crumbling in front of me. I was scared. I said to myself, "Why is this happening? This is all my fault." After my father got out of intensive care and then out of the hospital and I was able to talk to him, he told me that death was a part of reality as well as life is. Which is why you should be the best person you can be while you are on this earth. He says as long as you do the best you can while on earth, when it is time for your departure, you will depart peacefully. Today, if something was to happen to my everyday hero, I would miss him a whole lot, because I would like for him to be around forever. However, if something was to happen to him today or tomorrow, I would know that my everyday hero lived a full and happy life and will always be my everyday hero.

I know that I need to better myself as a person, to make it in society. I really need help with my attitude. Ican't and won't go back into society, or around my family, with the same negative attitude I once had. I just want to better myself for me, as well as for my family. I honestly believe I owe them that much. If it hadn't been for the support that I'm receiving from my family, I would not have made it throughout my incarceration. I just want to thank my family for all the support they've given me. My faults weaken me, but my family gave me my strength.

I know there is no such a thing as a perfect human being, because no one is perfect. I just feel as though I make more mistakes than the average person does. I've put my family through so much. My family is my everything. My main fear now is getting a phone call and someone telling me that one of my family members has passed or has been badly hurt. That's something that I never want to hear, but there's not a day that goes by that I don't sit and think about losing one of my family members.

My hopes are to see my daughter, as well as niece and nephews, graduate. I would like for my father to be able to own his own business, and for my mother to have all the things she has always dreamed of having. I wish the day would soon come, so she can stop working, cooking, and cleaning so hard. I wish my brother could have the dream house he's working so hard to own. I just wish that I wasn't such a disappointment to my family. That I could ease all the things I've put my family through. Most of all, I wish that my parents could get the one biggest dream they've been dreaming of for three years now. That's for their daughter to get her life together and come home to her family, who love and want to help her. That's me.

One day back in 1972, my cousin Calvin, whom I played with on the weekend, because I had no sisters or brothers, came in the house and asked my grandmother if his mother got back from the store. She said, "No, son," and I looked and my grandmother and said, "Mommy, why did you call him your son? I don't have any brothers or sisters." And she looked at me and smiled, and said to me, "I'm your grandmother as well; your mother gave you to me at birth." At that time I was seven years old and ready to hear all about what happened.

Usually my grandmother would get me ready for bed, and read me my bedtime story, but that particular night I got my bath myself, got ready to crawl into bed. My grandmother said to me, "I want to tell you about someone who loves you dearly, but couldn't stay with you." As I got in bed, my grandmother tucked me in. Thenshe sat down beside me in her little rocking chair, and said to me, "I want you to know that your birth mother loved you, and she asked me to take you and take good care of you and love you as she would have loved you." My grandmother explained to me that back in those days taking care of a child without a husband was very hard.

My grandmother and grandfather were two hard-working parents. My grandfather did a lot of farm work. My grandmother took care of me, the house chores, and her other children, which were my aunts and uncles. My grandmother explained to me that my mother had things she wanted to do and that she couldn't do with a child. My grandmother told her to go ahead and she would take good care of me, and love me the way a child should be loved. Grandmother did just that. AFter that my grandmother told me goodnight and she kissed me on the cheek like she did every night and tucked me in bed. She said to me, "Debbie, my little darling, I love you with all my heart -- goodnight."

The next morning I woke up and I called to my grandmother, the lady I've been calling mother since birth. She looked at me with a glow of love and said to me, "I love you my child." Then she helped me get ready for school and my day got started. So as the years went on my grandmother and I continued doing things together. We would go shopping, and she would help me with my homework. She taught me things as I got older, so that I would know how to accept life without my mother.

As I began to realize things, I started hanging around girls my own age, listening to them talk about the things they did with their mothers and I told them about all the good things that my grandmother and I did together. In 1979 I met this guy named John. We started dating. My grandmother told me to be careful, and I would always tell her what we did and the way things would go with us. I always held this secret from my grandmother. Sex. And at the age of fifteen I became pregnant with my first child. It really hurt her, but I did all I could do as a young mother for my daughter, LaVern, who is now eighteen years of age. As the years went on I had four more children, two boys and two girls.

After thirty-four and a half years, I've still yet to hear anything from my birth mother. She never got back in touch with my grandmother. My number one goal after being released from prison is to locate the whereabouts of my birth mother. AFter thirty-four and a half years, it woill be a dream come true to me and her five grandchildren, who long to meet her.

Y Dear
THE SOUND OF MUSIC HUMBLES ME,
BUT THAT NIGHT WHEN YOU TOUCHED ME
WITH YOUR HANDS,
PLACING THEM ON MY SHOULDERS,
YOU LOOKED ME IN MY EYES
AS THOUGH YOU COULD SEE MY THOUGHTS,
STANDING THERE WITH YOUR ARMS AROUND ME,
YOU SUDDENLY WALK AWAY,
LEAVING ME STANDING THERE WITH THE THOUGHT
YOU COULD BE MINE, YOU COULD BE MINE --
ONLY IF I COULD WORK MY WAY THROUGH THE TOUGH TIMES
AND LEAVE THE FEAR OF FALLING IN LOVE BEHIND
I TOO COULD HAVE A HAPPY VALENTINE.

AFter frightening traffic you have crowds of people. The crowds produce long lines which I don't like either, so I don't like to go Christmas shopping. But, I do go to the store on Christmas. I just don't like to buy gifts for people. If I have to buy some gifts for myself, that is all right.

I would much rather give gifts of cash. So I give them money and they can use it for anything they want. It is easy for me to just give money. Most people like to get money anyway.

Monica is my daugher. On Christmas I give Monica money to go shopping for herself and for my grandchildren. Monica is just the opp[osite from me. Monica loves to shop anytime. The slogan, "Shop 'til you drop" was made for her. I am glad I can let Monica do the Christmas shopping for me. I am happy to give her the money for it. That way I can avoid the traffic, the crowds, and trying to decide what gifts people might like.

My special friend's mother has us to her house for holidays. Me and my kids go there. Everybody's staying up talking. We laugh and take pictures. We sit down and everybody eats. Me and my kids we go to the fair. I enjoy my family being together. We enjoy doing things together.

I feel like I'm important to my family and my kids. I know my kids love me. My aunt loves me. I love my nieces. We all miss my momma. She was a good momma and grandmom. I hope that's what my kids say about me. I just want my family, my friend, and everybody to have nice holidays.

She worked cleaning houses for a number of years. It was hard on her because there were eight of us all together, 7 boys and 1 girl. Years passed by, I became a teenager and got a job at a school program for the summer to help out with the bills and food.

Four years later I was seventeen in teh tenth grade and playing football. I came across a guy who offered me a job in building custom cabinets. So I took the offer and dropped out of school to work in a cabinet shop. I liked it and stayed there for fourteen years. I helped my mother buy some land and a new home. She passed away July 26, 1999 leaving it all to me. I guess that was her way of thanking me for what I did for her.

Then there is Sara, our little girl. She is twelve now and full of life. She is on the go from the time she gets up in the morning til night non-stop.

Her brother, James, is a tall thin boy. He likes to swim and play ball. He will be fourteen this year.

We have a small group of animals that we think of as family. This group includes four cats and two dogs. They're a big joy to watch.

We all work together in keeping house and caring for the animals. Each one of us has a job to do. That makes a home go smoothly. At times we do not see things the same way. That makes things go bad for the whole family. Then, there is the family that does not live with us. There are the grandparents that help from time to time in taking care of the kids. They sometimes get help from some of my brothers and sister. We do a whole lot of things that a family does when we all get together.

Sometimes I think of people that do not have families and wonder what they do when they have bad times. Do they have some one or something that they can go to for help?

I would not know what I would do if I did not have a family to turn to for help. A family is something that everyone needs. How do people do without a family? To me a family is the greatest thing that can be. I love my family -- good or bad -- it is the best thing I could ask for. I hope you have a great family like mine!

On almost every holiday my family always has dinner together or we have a cookout. On the 4th of July we always go to Scottsville to see the fireworks. After that we go home and wait until 12:00 A.M. and we set off our fireworks.

My family likes to watch movies. Most of all, my family likes to joke and play around. My family likes to eat ice cream. Some people in my family collect pictures.

Family need to love one another. I love my family. Children can learn from their families to do fun things together. I love to read to my children and help them with their homework. As my son told me, "We can learn to do stuff that we want with our family."

My grandparents were always willing to help Mother and Daddy. They gave Mother some chickens when she was married and she raised some that they killed for meat and some produced eggs. My grandaddy went to town very often so he was willing to take Mother if she needed to go.

My parents always raised a garden. Mother did a lot of canning. They almost never bought vegetables in the winter. They had raised potatoes and onions, canned tomatoes, corn, beans, squash, and salads. As you can tell by this we had almost all we needed to make a simple living.

By the time I was ten years old, Mother's health started getting bad. I was getting older and wanted more things, so I started babysitting for the people that owned the farm that Daddy worked on.

I will never forget the first weekend I worked. When I came home, Mother and Daddy said, "We are not going to tell you how to spend your money, but we would like to make a suggestion." Their suggestion was to divide my money in thirds. One third for necessary things, one third for savings, and the last third for what I wanted to do.

As the years went by, I finished high school and got a good job working with older people in a home. Then I was married in 1970. My husband I decided when we started a family, I would stop work outside the home like my mother did. We had two children, a boy and a girl.

When they finished school and went out on their own, I went back to work. Now in the later years of life, we have a family all over again. We are raising two of our grandchildren. Much to my sorrow, I am not able to give up work and be in the home with them as my mother was with me and I was with ours.

I feel that my parents gave me a very good start in life. I hope my husband and I gave our children a good start, and now I hope that we are able to do as well by our grandchildren. We try to give them chores to do and reward them for a job just like my parents did.

As a mother of three, and a grandmother of one, my family is one of the most important things in my life. Growing up, I became a strong believer in Christ, so I hope my twelve-year-old, my seven-year-old, and nineteen-year-old are learning to love God. My twelve-year-old wrote me to tell me that he wants to be baptized, and my spirit was filled with joy. My mother says he prays every week for me, asking God to keep his mommy safe. Praying that I am safe, he also shows me that he misses me, and he hopes God will continue to watch over me. My seven-year-old is learning to have faith. One Sunday, my pastor asked him to pray. His reply was, "I don't know how, but my grandma will teach me." I pray thgat he continues to show interest and that in time he will become a believer. My oldest, who is nineteen, is doing her best as a single parent, working and taking care of her daughter. I pray that she takes some time out of her busy schedule to learn more about God.

I feel that education is important to my children. Know that I myself was a high school dropout at seventeen, they know how I feel about their education. I try to teach them that without it you can get a paycheck, but with an education you can get a career. So I am now attending GED classes and I will get my diploma. I plan to further my education in the near future by attending a couple of college courses. I also hope this will reflect strongly in my children. I want my example to have a positive impact on my family, letting them know to never, never give up on education.

Before my incarceration , a sister of mine lost her twelve-year-old son to cancer. Larie played football. He was a very strong young man. Going through the pain with her I began to appreciate family more and we all are closer than ever. We talk about the good times we have had in the past and of how proud we are of her son. We all miss him dearly.

Knowing society will judge individuals that have been incarcerated, I talk to my family and explain to them that I will become a law-abiding citizen, hoping that we all will work hard in becoming responsible adults. I myself, as the parent, will take learning experience to prepare myself to be a better citizen through parenting and transition classes.

My incarceration is a big loss for my kin, and so I am thankful to them for sticking by me through it all, being loving, understanding, and supportive, praying to God to keep me safe while I am away from them. Sweet family, I could not think of life without you -- I love you!

'm so glad to have parents like you,
With loving arms and a heart so true.
A lot we have shared hasn't always been good,
But I know in my heart
You've done the best you could.

A lot of children haven't been as
Fortunate as me.
To have two wonderful parents
To Help them when they're in need.

No matter if we fuss or fight,
You've always seemed to make everything all right.

The love you have shared and
The things you have done,
Make you both so special, like
No other one.

I love you both so very much
And I always will,
I just wanted you both to
Know how I feel

My brother Lenwood is responsible for many changes in my life. He has always been there for me. As a child I used to ask for money and he always had it to give. He bought me candy, clothes, and even things for my friends. When I had my little friends visit, he always found fun things for us to do. He was very creative and fun to be around.

As I grew older my brother would take me to work with him. My little legs would have to move fast just to keep his pace, but I always kept up, right on his shirt tail. We did odd jobs, worked with the elderly, and delivered newspapers. As we worked he would talk to me in his caring, loving way. At the time I wasn't quite sure of the contents and meaning of those conversations, but just the same, his voice soothed me and I would look and listen to his every word. As I got older, his words became clear and still ring true in many areas of my life.

I reflect how my brother and I used to do all sorts of things in the house together. We cooked all types of food, baked cakes and cookies, made ice cream floats and milk shakes. I could ask my brother anything and he would always have an answer. He was my friend. He was always there for me through the good, and even bad, moods. He always knew how to put a smile on my face. At times I wouldn't agree with what he said, but he would just tell me "It's for the best," and I would still end up with a smile on my face. True enough, it always came out for the best.

As I grew I saw a handy person in him. His specialities were decorating and cooking. His house was always original, with soft colors. His kitchen was done in peachy orange and trimmed in white. The glass-top tables had matching chairs trimmed in gold with seat cushions brownish tan. Oak cabinets hung on the wall, and a ceiling fan on the ceiling, giving a settled feeling when you walked into the kitchen.

My brother was a person who could fix just about anything around the house. Anything from a leak in the sink, problems with the toilet, or hooking up a stereo system, and he was good at it. My teenage years spent around him have taught me to be skillful with my hands. I too can fix almost anything. Through my teenage years I have learned to do electronics, landscaping, and love to do this type of work. It gives me a good feeling inside.

I remember the first house we shared together in Washington, D.C. The house was a tri-level, with four bedrooms, a living room, a dining room, a utility room, and a big country kitchen in the basement. Old-style wallpaper hung on the wall in the living room, with a big day-view window. The country kitchen had an 18th century style wood-burning stove. You know the kind you cooked on back then. I remember one day my brother and I decided to take the old wallpaper down. It took us twenty hours to remove, with a wallpaper machine. We worked non-stop until we got it all off and we were weak from hunger. When we finally finished we stretched out on the living room floor with feelings of exhaustion mixed with the feelings of accomplishment, and hunger pains. My brother ordered pizza and when the pizza came, I jumped to get it from the delivery boy, only to find that my brother had ordered everything on the pizza, including anchovies. My smile suddenly dropped and my brother and his friend burst into fits of laughter as hunger pains knotted my stomach, so wedecided to save the pizza for another time, and we cleaned up and my brother took us out to eat. My brother had an open sweet personality and everyone loved to be around him. He was warmhearted, uplifting, and his smile would light up a dark room. He had a calm, peaceful spirit even through the rough times.

For the past six years of my incarceration my brother was here for me. We had plans to do many things together when I'm released. I called him when I needed a listening ear and told him how I wanted us to go out of town to different places we had never been and the things I wanted us to do together. I told him of some of the challenges that I faced, spoke of the loneliness that I felt, and he would tell me just to hang on and things would be all right. He always encouraged me to move forward, that things would get better. In our conversations he would tell me about the new things he had bought for his place. About a new bedroom set, or a new picture for the wall, or even the colors of the bathroom towels that he had bought for his bathroom. I would ask him to take pictures so I could actually see them and how his place was looking. He made me feel so much a part of where he was.

On September 19, 1997 the point of a knife blade shattered my dreams, my thoughts of doing those things with my brother. My brother was stabbed to death. The victim of a senseless hate crime.

My brother was gay. His lifestyle didn't kill him, but the ignorance behind a knife blade did. His untimely death has robbed those of us who loved him, now only touching our lives through his memory. I know in my heart that his light continues to shine through his spirit. He shed light on all the darkness in my own life. I will never stop hearing his words, or feeling inspired through my memory of him. Much of his character is instilled in me as I continue my journey.

My dream is that one day society will learn to accept and appreciate a person for who they are and what they have to offer to society, regardless of their age, sex, religious beliefs, the color of their skin, their disabilities, or sexual preferences.

My brother really is my hero, everything I hope to be, and if you're listening brother, know that although I'm not everything that I should be, I have come a long way from where I used to be, still working on better and positive things. Shine on dear brother, I love you, and by the way, Thanks.

Lenwood Donald Alston July 19, 1958 -- September 19, 1997

Questions and comments to Susan Erno