I do not wish to look back on the days of a life without life, the days of horror, death, and dying , the days of war in my country... The thought that kept us going through this was to flee as far as possible, to flee to this big country which we knew only from textbooks.

With fear and uncertainty about what awaits us, my family set out on our journey to the United States.

I paused in front of the doors of the International Rescue Committee, our sponsor. That first meeting will remain forever imprinted in my memory. "Welcome to the United States," said the friendly, yet strong and confident voice of the IRC director, Susan Donovan. This is when I realized: there is hope for a new beginning. Susan then went on to say: "We are here to help you . All the doors to the US are open to you...It is up to you now to show us how much you can do, how ready you are to keep on building...we will always be there for you if you need any help." With each word, I felt my strength returning. And every word was revealing a woman who was determined, who knew what she wanted and what she could do, a woman who would not let obstacles stand in her way. With her attitude, Susan showed us the road to our "new life."

Today, with her own blend of dignity, determination, and caring, Susan continues to greet new families at the same doors and to lead them on the path of a better life. She always has a friendly greeting for us, "the old ones," and follows our path, our successes and failures.

In my own name, the name of my family, and the many families who share my opinion, I wish to thank Susan Donovan for her impartiality, her determination, her strength and perseverance, for believing in a better future for us, and above all, for her personal wish for a successful life for all of us.

Once again, I need to say how grateful I am for the opportunity to express my feelings towards "the hero of my new life" in the times that brought us here. I am grateful for the oportunity to say a small but heartfelt thank you to Susan and to the IRC for having the right person at the right place at the right time --- at the crossroads of a "new life." With her strong and determined character, Susan has led my family and many other families on the right path.

This is how I have moved from a "life without life" into a new life, with the help of "my heroes..."

know you may feel alone sometimes, so I want you to know I care.
Even though we may not see each other everyday, just know that I'll be there.
You might not be able to remember everything as your memory is slowly fading away.
But, that doesn't mean that Ill forget all the times you brought me Kit Kats home everyday.

I remember how you would put me on your lap and sing your old-time songs.
Not to mention how your voice would change when I had done something wrong.
You were always like a father to me when there wasn't a father around.
I love you and Grandma for showing me how Love is a beautiful sound.

Before and after my mother passed you cared for me as your own.
Without your unconditional love and support I doubt that I would have made it very long.
I want to make up for those times I gave you grief and sorrow.
I would like to make it up to you by improving your tomorrows.

I love you Grandaddy and Grandma and I know you love me.
I hope I've made you proud of me by going back to school to get my G.E.D.

od sent me four guardian angels.
Their names are Ms. Wood, Ms. Ross,
Jan and Nancy.
Jan knew that I couldn't do
Subtraction at all
So she sat me down at the table
And showed me how to do it.
I didn't have an education when
I was a little girl.
The only education I got was from
My Aunt Emma who was a school
Teacher before she died she said to
Me please go back to school and
Get your education.
Now I am going back to Jefferson
School to work towards my GED.
Ms. Wood has given me a lot of
Encouragement to go on and finish
Also my other teacher Ms. Ross
Gave me a lot of support.
I love my classmate Nancy she
Makes me feel important when
I help her in the classroom.
She makes me feel very special.
Everybody makes me feel that
I can do it.

On the third day, it was a little cooler and would have been a good day except for the fact that it was raining cats and dogs. Since it was raining, we couldn't work on the roof, so we got a day off. The girls in my youth group wanted to go bowling, so we went bowling. I had never bowled before so that was kind of fun. Then we had lunch and went back to the school where we were staying. On the fourth day, we started putting the tar paper down. Since the deadline for completion was Friday, we were running a little behind schedule so we had to get the "lead out" and finish the job. We must have been moving pretty fast because we put half of the shingles on the roof before quitting time, and this was rather a large roof, so I was happy with the way things were going.

Then on Friday, we put the rest of the shingles on the roof. And since were were done about halfway through the day, I got off the roof and went on the deck crew. The deck was almost done by Friday, so I started cutting the railing. We asked if the owners wanted traditional railing but they said they wanted something different, so we thought of unique patterns for the deck. We finally, after half an hour of talking about it, decided on a fan pattern. The owners of the house liked that idea, so we got started. I had never used a circular saw before, so I think I did pretty good considering. We put the last rails on the deck and packed up our tools. On the drive home, I was thinking how this would affect the owners of the house and I thought to myself, "I hope the roof doesn't collapse on them" but then I said "It's not going to fall down, I hope." We went back to the school where we were staying for the closing ceremony. It was a nice closing to a good week and I felt good that I had helped someone in need. If I ever get the opportunity again, I will run right over to help whoever.

My dad continued to work for her mother until the mid 1960's. Mrs. Ritchie died in 1968. At that time the cattle and almost all of the 700 acres were sold. Elizabeth was able to keep the house and 12 acres of land. She also got $25,000.00 cash. She went to the library where she studied books on stocks, bonds, and mutual funds. She continued to study for a period of time. She took the $25,000.00 and invested in stocks, bonds, and mutual funds. In a short period, she had lost all but $8,000.00 She sold all of the shares she had left. She reinvested in stocks in other companies. This time she succeeded, but she continued to study stocks at the library. She really inspired me to learn and taught me a little about the stock market as well.

Like her father, she, too, was a writer. She wrote several fiction books in later years, but never had them published. She did have a copyright on each book. In fact, I have a copy of each of the books that she wrote. I also have a book of lyrics written by her. She really encouraged me to continue to write poetry. She would have been very hapy that I won an award for a poem that I wrote last year.

I had know her since I was a child. In the 1970's I went to work for her part time. I kept the grass cut with her tractor. I did everything for her including the up keep on out buildings, house repairs, and car repairs. She lived in a large 3-story house. That meant there was a lot of work to be done. This old house was heated with oil stoves. There was one in the dining room and one in the kitchen. Boy! These things were a pain in the neck for me! Back in the late 1980's or early 1990's it was zero or below with snow on the ground. It was cold! I didn't get in from work until midnight. My phone rang; I answered and it was Elizabeth. The stoves had gone out early that evening. She had gone to bed to try and stay warm until I got home from work. I went down there and worked on the oil line which had frozen up. It was around four A.M. before I got the line thawed and the stoves burning. It was not too long before it got warm in the house. She really depended on me for most everything. She seemed to have a lot of faith and trust in me.

In March of 1996 we found out she had lung cancer. She was hospitalized and I continued to take care of her place and go see her every few days. In early May she decided to change her will. On the 12th of May 1996 I wrote her final will. We had it notarized and witnessed by myself and two other people. She died the 15th of May 96.

Her only sister lived in Missouri so I was sort of the only family she had here. I was in charge of funeral arrangements. She was taken back to her home in Cherry Hill, New Jersey where she was buried beside her father. She was 86 years old.

After about a year, th estate was settled up. There was a sale of the personal property, house, and 12 acres. When the estate was final, she had left a $380,000.00 estate. She had taken $8,000.00 in 1968 and turned it into a very large estate. That was the biggest accomplishment I had ever seen anyone make.

The many people in my life have encouraged and inspired me. My two children Brittney age 8, and Bridget age 6 help me a lot. They are always saying to me how proud they are of me. They tell me "not to give up, you can do it."

Then there's my husband Dale. He takes me to class every Wednesday on his day off from his job. He sits and waits in the parking lot for me until I am done. He helps me around the house so I can work on my books at night.

Then there are my classmates who joke around with me, but are very supportive. They will go over multiplication with me. One classmate gave me a table mat with multiplcation on it. So when I am sitting down eating I have them to look at.

There is one person who is very inspiring to me, my teacher Gayle von Keyserling. She stands beside me 100%. She will go over things that I don't understand. She tries to find ways for me to remember my multiplications. When I feel like giving up, Gayle will give me the encouragement to not give up. She tells me it will pay off and it just will take time. Someday I will get my GED, I just hope that I get it before Gayle and I have to go to a nursing home.

God blessed me. I thank God for allowing my girls to be born healthy. They are growing up quickly. Michelle is eleven and Charlene is six. I often pray that I am doing what is right. I don't work outside of my home; so that allows me to have time to be a good mom. I do all kinds of things with my children like: swimming, fishing, sledding in the snow, or just sitting around and talking about anything -- and I mean anything? We have a great communication. My neighbor calls me Ann Cleaver and I just laugh. I look at my daughters and know if I don't be careful of what I say or do, I can really mess them up. I enjoy their company. I just enjoy having them as my little angels.

When I'm weak my daughters are my strength. When I'm tired they are my energy boost. When I'm sick they are my doctors. When I'm lonely they are my company. When I'm around them I feel full of love.

I often wonder how we as parents raise and love our children so much and then turn them loose. I pray that when that day comes, I can be strong enough to let them go. I look at my daughters and feel great knowing that they are all right and doing well.

When I was younger I did many things that were wrong. When I got pregnant, it changed everything. I looked at life different. I was no more just Liz, but Liz and a child. I started changing my habits and was getting ready for the toughest job in the world -- becoming a mother. Being a mom is a job that I didn't want at that time but having my children changed everything. I would not give them up for anything. My two daughters makes me want to work hard to be a better mother each day. I love them with all my heart. They are my world. I thank God for allowing me to be the person that I am and allowing me to be a good mother for Michelle and Charlene. Thank you God for everything and continue to bless my family and help me to be a warrior of strength.

My Dad

by John F. Quinn, 3d
Fluvanna County
y dad is a father to four.
He worked everyday till he was sore.
A laborer -- a union man -- my father stood strong.
My father weathered all storms.

In his job he was faithful and dependable.
He couldn't be bothered with half-hearted work.
"DO it right or don't do it at all," he would say.
He gave his all in the rain, snow, summers and fall.

My dad put clothes on our backs and food on the table.
Even though he was one man he was able.
Treated poorly by his boss, he paid the price with his body.
Worn down from so many years, not even a "thank you" for all you've done.
Just a "get lost, your time has come."

My dad is retired now.
Only 55 he may be but his back paid dearly.
No longer can he do what he did.
I know he is bored, he would rather work.
But his problems can no longer be ignored.

I don't have half the talent or courage my dad has.
I can only watch and admire him from a distance.
We are not emotionally close.
But of my father I can only boast.

From my dad I learned to stay strong even when everything is going wrong.
His undying devotion brings high emotions for me.
As well as I am blessed to carry his good looks and charm.
For all that he is, good or bad I thank God for my dad.

After I was put on probation, I realized that it wasn't worth it! I started to straighten up. Now I'm getting my G.E.D. and I've stopped smoking marijuana. I've gotten a job and I plan on going to a community college to take classes when I finish my G.E.D.

Out of all of this I learned that I want to be someone, and that I don't want to be someone who stays in trouble and never has a job. I believe that if it wasn't for being on probation, I would not have learned that. My mother helped a lot because she always stuck by me through it all. My probation officer was a big help also. She would always try to help me when I faced a problem and she talked sense to me.

My neighbor is very helpful. When we have company, she allows us to park in her spaces, because parking in the trailer park is only two cars per lot. She is so friendly when you need help. Carolyn helps my children by counseling them through problems they have, that sometimes parents don't understand.

Some problems in our community: our trailers are too close together, and people walk through your hard sometimes. There is also a lot of bad talking. I think trailer parks would be much safer if the lots were much bigger.

In conclusion, if our world was more understanding like my neighbor, this world would be a better place.

She learned that an older lady in the community had a dog tied to a tree and couldn't afford a dog house. She went to a yard sale and bought a house for the lady's dog.

Twice a year she gives money to the animal shelter.

A year ago, she cared for this lady's two cats while the lady was in the hospital. She also watched over the lady's house.

Mabel seems to always be there for others in need. She takes the time for others and never thinks of herself.

If you are sick she will make you soup. She often will have the neighbors over, and sometimes she will play games with the kids in the neighborhood.

Once we all had a ball game in her yard, and the kids had a great time. She even made hot dogs, cookies, and drinks for them.

Some of the things I see are squirrels. I see two kinds of squirrels. There's the gray squirrel, he's the most common one, and there's the fox squirrel, you see him around sometimes. The fox squirrel has a tail that looks like a fox's. When I walk to my tree stand I usually see scuff marks on the tree made by the deer. Most of the time I see a lot of birds flying around and walking around. Sometimes I'll walk around and I will see other tree stands, some of the stands are high in the tres, some of them are kind of low but not too low. This is what I see in the woods.

Some of the things I hear are the birds whistling in the morning and off and on all day. The whistle goes for a good little ways through the woods and most of the time when a bird sees you and whistles that means something's around. Sometimes I can hear other shots off in the distance. I usually hear different gun shots all day. I hear deer moving sometimes all day and sometimes not. I can hear them move in the distance and sometimes close up to me. If you are quiet, you can hear these sounds. It is best to be quiet in the woods.

There is a lot to see and hear in the woods if you go hunting.

Honorable Mention

As we were going up the reservoir Phil said, "Look, Greg, on the side of the bank." I said, "Where? "Over there." And there was a mama deer and her fawn. It was a beautiful sight. I told Phil I wished I had a camera.

I noticed our battery was getting weak. We weren't too far from what they call the twin bridges. I told Phil if we could make it up there we could find somebody to take him back to his truck. We put the motor on low and started for the twin bridges. It took us a while, but we made it. Phil saw a guy he knew and asked him to take him back to his truck down the road a couple of miles. The guy said yes. Phil told me to stay with the boat while he was gone.

I was sitting in the boat going through my fishing lures when I heard someone say, "Help me." I looked across the water and I saw a guy splashing in the water. There were people everywhere that day, even over there where he was, but people just stood there and looked at the young man drowning. He was still saying "Help me." He went down under the water and he came back up. No one did anything but watch. Then he went under again. I knew if he went down one more time he wouldn't come back up, so I jumped out of the boat, ran up the boat landing, and ran across the bridge. It was about a hundred fifty yards from the boat landing to the other side where he was.

When I got there all I saw was bubbles, so I reached in my back pocket and threw my wallet on the ground and dove off the bridge into the water. I couldn't see anything so I followed the bubbles. When I got to him I grabbed him by the arm and took him up. When I got him up he grabbed me so I kicked him off me. Then he went under again. I popped him up again and told him, I will help you but don't grab me. So then he calmed down and then I took him to the bank and some guys helped me get him out of the water.

He must have thought I was God the way he was following me around. He asked me my name and I told him. Then he wanted to give me money and I said no. Then he wanted to buy me something and I said, no, nothing. Then I said, I'm just glad you're alright and I'm glad I was here to help you, and he thanked me again. I never saw the young man again.

Then about two years later Fred and Mom got married. I will never forget the phone call. My mother said, Danny, Wallace and I are thinking about getting married, what do you think. I said, well, Mom, if he makes you happy that's good enough for me. She said, I think he will make a good Dad for you and your brother. They were at the Justice of the Peace in Maryland.

But really in the back of my mind I said, I really don't like this man taking my place. You see next to my Grandfather, John J. Lewis, I thought I was the man of the house. My grandmother Maggie V. Lewis was the backbone of our family. She was not very happy to hear that mom was getting married.

Wallace was a cook or an executive chef. He got a job in Ohio to cook at college in Marietta. He had a job at the King's Table here in Charlottesville but this job paid more. He could do many things. He ran a few gas stations. He worked at Sears, Staples, and had his own jewelry shop. He told me it's better to have your own than to depend on other people.

Wallace was fair, like John J. Lewis. He helped me to see that if you are fair you don't have to regret what you did to someone. I remember one day this young person that Wallace knew came by our house. Wallace said, I want you to teach my son to box. So we put on the boxing gloves and began to spare. I gave him a good whipping. AFter that, Wallace said I never thought you had it in you.

One day when we were living in Ohio my brother was misbehaving. Wallace had to punish him. He made Freeman stand in the corner on one foot. My brother got mad and broke his model car and mine, too. Wallace told Freeman you have only hurt yourself. Now when we go out to play in the snow you can watch us from the window. The next time Wallace went to the store he bought me a new model car. That was fair.

Then there was the time when we went to get a tree. It was snowing and about six inches were on the ground. We found the one we wanted and tied it on the back of the car. On the way back to town Wallace said Danny check the tree, we don't want to lose it. So I got out of the car to see if the tree was tied on tight. As I got to the back door the car started to move. So I grabbed the back door and held on. He drove about twenty feet and stopped. To me it was very funny. My brother and Wallace laughed as I did, heartily.

When my brother and I were about twelve and fourteen years old, Wallace had a lung operation. He had about fifty stitches and he told us to be careful. We were all out on our best sledding hill, ready to have fun. We liked to jump on top of people after they got on their sled. Wallace said, don't jump on me, remember my stitches. Well, you know boys. We both jumped on Wallace's back. He hollered. Then we knew we had hurt him. We said we were sorry.

My real father died about six months ago, and now my stepfather. They both were good fathers. My stepfater is still on my mind. He was a good husband. My mother is having a hard time after his death. What can you expect after forty years.

When I think of all the good times we have shared together I just have to laugh to myself. Like once when I was around three years old or something like that, I used to wait for my dad to come home from work and sit in his big brown lazy boy chair. I couldn't wait for him to sit in it so that I could climb on the back of the chair and put my legs around him and comb his hair. He would let me do it till his head ached, then he would tell my mother that his head was hurting because I had whacked his head with the comb and brush. My mother would say, better you than me. I told you that child was going to hurt your head. That's why I don't let her touch my head. It's funny now especially when my husband visits and they tell that story.

Whenever I talk about my dad, my eyes fill with tears and my heart with such joy and love. I am truly blessed to have a father that plays an active part in my life. I remember another wonderful time in my life on my wedding day when he walked me down the aisle and gave me away. He didn't let my arm go right away. My husband said to himself, come on dad, you said that I could have her so release her.

My father and I grew even closer when he became sick. Last year he had two surgeries, back to back. I never felt so helpless in my life. That was hard for me, but I knew he needed me to be strong, and I could not let him down because he needed me as much as I needed him. To this day I give praise to God, because my father is in good health and still here with me. He's 78 years old and with the Lord's blessing he will be 79 on October 27 of this year. He also served in the armed forces during World War II. I am so proud of him. Not only did he serve his country, he came home and continued to provide for his family. I realize the importance of having a father in my life because I have one of the best. He molded me into a loving wife and a resonsible mother. That's my dad.

Then Rosco returned from Philadelphia and joined the "Singing Jubilees Gospel Singers." Soon Rosco had encouraged me enough to join the Singing Jubilees. About two years later we both joined another group called the "All for Christ" gospel singers. Through those two years, Rosco becmae a true friend. Rosco's job is working for James River Pool putting in swimming pools. I have truly found that Rosco is a jack of all trades.

On December 31, 1999, Rosco was in a terrible car accident. He was hospitalized for about two weeks. I visited him every day, and when he came home I visited him; took him back and forth to the hospital for appointments and then therapy.

Little did I know later that I would need his help for I was in a car accident myself which was caused by black ice. Rosco called every day after my accident to see if I needed anything. Then on April 14, 2000 I received a call on my job saying to come home because my house was on fire. I was devastated. Nevertheless Rosco was right there as a friend and being supportive. He helped us go through the house and save everything we possibly could.

I don't have a brother. Rosco became like a big brother to me and that is why I've decided to write about Rosco.

There was an obstacle in the road that I swerved to miss. I was conscious as my Bronco rolled. I was thrown out of the vehicle and down a ravine and landed in a thicket of briars. My legs were bent above my head. All I could think about was “I’m five-and-a-half months pregnant. Am I going to lose my baby?”

Two weeks later I awoke from a drug-induced coma. “Is my baby all right?” The doctor responded, “Yes, ma’am, your baby is just fine. However, you’ve had some extensive injuries. You’ve shattered the front of your pelvic bone and broken it in four places in the hip area. Your knee and ankle have been shattered, and your wrist and arm have been broken. You have been in surgery for ten and a half hours. We rebuilt your knee and ankle and put two metal plates in your rear pelvic area. There is nothing we can do for the front of your pelvis, but we hope that it mends properly on its own. There’s a possibility that you’ll never walk again.”

Two months later I was released from the hospital still bedridden. Because of financial hardship, I was unable to receive the physical therapy I desperately needed.

The baby was born by Caesarian section. I named her Jaimie Sierra. The miracle of her birth gave me new hope. “ I can’t worry about failing to walk--I am a survivor and will walk again,” I assured myself.

For the next two months my husband Sherwood helped me by forcing simple leg movements. After a period of time my legs became stronger and I was able to lift them on my own.

Sherwood was out feeding the horses, and I had to use the restroom. I was determined to get there on my own. The walker was at the foot of my bed, untouched as of yet. I pulled myself to it, opened it up, and began an almost impossible journey.

The pain was unbearable as I placed weight on my feet. My leg collapsed, I began to fall, but I caught myself. The urge came to call out to Sherwood for help. Abe Lincoln’s quote came to mind: “ It’s a slip, not a fall.” I continued on my own. In spite of the pain and the slips, I made it to and from the restroom. I knew with perseverance I would be able to not just walk but to ride my horses again. . .

It was fall and the horse show was about to begin. I entered in the barrel racing competition. I didn’t win the competition, but that day I was the proudest, most humble person there. Not only was I able to ride but I had Jaimie Sierra by my side. By her surviving the crash, a crushed womb, and fighting for her life throughout my difficult pregnancy; she is the real miracle. We are survivors!

Momma Lillie,your death struck me very hard. I started playing back all the good times I shared in your big back yard.

I know you are in heaven smiling down on me. I thank God everyday for everlasting life of eternity.

Momma Lillie my hopes and dreams will one day come true, as well as being up in heaven right there with you.

You were the best grandmother any child could ever want in a lifetime. I know I disappointed you are with all my bad crimes, but I know you forgave me without thinking twice. You are where you long to be, up in heaven with Christ.

Momma Lilly you will always be missed, today and forever. Today I can say: no more crime, unhealthy sex, or drugs, no more ever!

Momma Lillie I love you today, tomorrow, forever, and ever.

Love, your baby girl, your granddaughter.

Missing You!

other, regardless of how I turned out to be,
I hope and pray you never lose your love for me.
And in times of loneliness and sorrow,
I trust in my Lord there will be a tomorrow.

Mother, there were times in our lives we didn’t even speak,
And I would actually cry until I became weak.
You know they say a mother is a daughter’s best friend,
And you’ve actually been there for me through thick and thin.

Mother, there were times when I would cry inside,
but when you would come around I showed I had pride.
I know without you there would be no me,
So now is my time to thank my Lord for thee.

Mother, when I was young and didn’t know any better,
I wish I could have written you this letter.
I know I can’t always dwell on the past,
I’m thankful that our relationship will last.

Mother, you are a special person to me on this earth,
and the reason I say this is because, you gave me birth.

Mother, there’s so many things that I put you through,
If I were your mother I wonder what I’d do.
Being so wonderful and sweet like you are,
I know in this world you will go very far.

Mother, I remember when I would make you cry.
I felt so bad I just wanted to die.
Now I’m begging for another chance,
Knowing that our love will grow to enhance

. Mother, you always made sure I had the best,
Being a mother you’ve past the test.
So now I know your job is done.
I love you mother, you’re number one.

Mother, if you ever left me-I don’t know what I’d do,
but, I pray to god I’ll never lose you.

You’re my mother, my friend, my everything
My love beneath the wing.

Honorable Mention

We are all God's children and we live such a short time in this world. It is up to each person to make each day better than the day before, for ourselves and the people around us. Regardless of our circumstances, we can make a difference. God created us only have to look to Jesus. He is our true and lasting friend. He is the only one who can put the broken pieces back together. Truly, once you have read this story I think you will see why I know that God can sustain us through anything.

There are many hardships that are fated to us from birth. Some people grow up in a situation that seems to sentence them to a life of trouble and imprisonment. Others are born to families that are prejudiced toward skin color. God has shown me the light to walk through many valleys in these 58 years. There were times I could not see a light at the end of the tunnel no matter how hard I looked. Many times during my life here, God has allowed my faith to be tested almost to the edge of destruction. I could not feel Him anywhere near me. There were times I thought God had forsaken me

Yes, my life has been a traumatic and painful experience. Today God has blessed me in so many ways. I want to share briefly my story of how God gave peace to a "little miss nobody" by fitting together the pieces of my scrambled life.

My life began in 1940. I was the product of sexual exploitation. My mother was a "lady for hire." At the age of 13 she put me out. I don't really know what I thought, but I was able to secure work cleaning offices and becoming acquainted with bookkeeping. I lived in New Jersey and I can recall vividly my mother drinking and being with men. Those scenes influenced my life. No, she never taught me or did any nice deeds for me, but truly she inspired me not to be like her. I did not want a life in a tavern.

As time passed I opened my own professional cleaning business. Mother, who loved alcohol and men more than her precious little girl, denied me my childhood. My teen years were years of working to pay rent and buying food to maintain myself. I went to work to survive. My salary was $23.74 a week. Very early I learned to live on bare essentials and to budget my hard-earned dollars. There was no money for extras, so I learned to cook and bake.

In 1954 I met a man named John. He was very nice to me. Although I was very sorry I did not have the opportunity to graduate from school, I would see my friend John and he became special to me. We enjoyed dances, sledding, and movies. Life was beginning to go smooth.

One day, the war stories came, saying the United States would battle Korea. John had to go to Korea. The war ended, and families were rejoicing at the homecoming of the soldiers. Having a child was not in my mind until then. I was too busy providing myself life's essentials.

On Thanksgiving Day 1954 my daughter was born. This child is unique and I know she is a gift from God. I did not let working hours interfere with taking care of my family. I wanted none of my mother's traits in my life. God had kept my husband and parenting children was not easy, but you just bridge the troubled waters, and then look for a rainbow.

God created us to be happy , so, discover happiness!

Even the ways that I handle myself as far as emotions, courage, being able to except all that life throws my way, relates to her way of bringing me up early on in my life.

When I was a little girl, about five or six years old, Grandma-ma, who I called Grandma Iris, taught me how to do a lot of things. I always felt real smart. Everything she taught me, I did very well. She taught me how to get water from the well. First I'd pour a little water in the pump, at the same time; I'd have to pump the handle with a bucket under the spicket to catch the water that would come out of the well. Then I'd have to bring the water in the house and pour it into a bucket where we kept out drinking water. It sounds like hard work, but it was fun to me.

The next task I was taught was feeding the hogs and chickens. It wasn't too hard to do. All that was done for the hogs was to save up watermelon rinds and cob from the corn we ate. Then I'd throw it over the fence they were kept in, being careful not to bump into the electric wire around the fence. As for the chickens, I'd put corn in their tray once a day.

She taught me how to pick stringed beans and strawberries. How to pick and shake the turnips.

The thing I liked best was baking cakes. Grandma Iris would put in all of the ingredients as I watched standing beside her, then she'd beat it, (mix it up) with a big spoon and I'd help her. I had my own little cake pan and I would bake my own cake. Once the cake was in the oven, we'd take a straw from the top of the broom, stick the straw in the middle of the cake to make sure it was baked all the way through. Take the cake and turn it over onto a plate let it cool, turn it over and put frosting over it.

At the end of each day we would take out this big tub and put hot water from the kettle in it adding cold water so it would become warm. Grandma would sit me in it and give me a good bath, scrubbing me with soap and water from top to bottom It really relaxed my body when she'd give me my bath and rub me with the green alcohol.

The next day we'd get up early and we had an old model washing machine. We would go get water from the well, fill the washing machine up and separate the white clothing from the colored. Put the white clothes inlet them wash, put them through the ringer to get out all of the water, shake them and hang them out on the clothesline. Then we'd do the colored clothes. Only we usually used our scrub-board for the knees cause they'd be dirtier and we'd scrub them and put them through the ringer. By that time the white clothes would be dry, so we'd take them in and hang the colored out and come back and fold the whites and put them away. By the end of the day we were really tired.

The most important thing that Grandma Iris taught me was how to get down on my knees before going to bed at night and pray to God. After saying the Lord's prayer, I'd stick in a few extra things I may want God to do for me, get in the bed and listen while Grandma Iris would read from her Bible and I would fall off to sleep.

As the years went on, Grandma Iris was in a beauty contest, and she won! She was in lots of church activities, and was well known and respected. She even went back to school and received her GED.

My great grandmother is now 96 years of age and still going. She is my heart and my mind. When I think of her, I remember all of the good things she took time to instill in me. I'm very proud of all she has shown me at such an early age. Things I am able to use for the rest of my life. Things that no one can ever know or take away. Things that have made me such a unique person that I stand out among others.

As I have grown over the years into adulthood, I have used all of what she has shown me as a child coming up. I plan to use these special gifts that she's given me for the rest of my life.

She was and still is my biggest inspiration. She has taught me how to survive in this world, how to strive for what I want, and never to give up hope. She will forever live in me.

ike pushing a baby into the world, I pushed my way into the L.I.P. class. I knew some tutors who were working for Ms. Castner, who was the instructor at the time. Debbie White, a tutor, and myself were talking about how I could get into school. Debbie copied an entire book for me and I worked on it as hard as I could. I knew I had to get into the Literacy Incentive Program or L.I.P. as it's called, so I worked on the book every chance I could. I then took it upon myself to go and talk to Ms. Castner to find out where my name was on the waiting list. Unfortunately, I was not on the list at all. Here's where the pushing begins.

I asked if there was any way at all that I could get into class sooner. The desperation I felt in my heart would be nothing compared to what I would feel if she said she could not help me. I spent the rest of my summer praying that she could help me. I received an invitation to her first orientation, and just like that my world began to change.

I knew it would be hard but this is something that I really wanted. Ms. Castner was one of the most caring people I had ever met. There were times I wanted to give up, but Ms. Castner would always push me forward. She took time out with me to nurture what was inside me, which I did not know at the time. Ms. Castner told me, “only losers give up,” and I was not that. She told me that I was a smart and bright young lady. For the first time in my life I realized that I was more than what I was told I was all my life. Throughout the class I struggled, but Ms. Castner would tell me, “if you put your mind to it, you can, and will do it,” and I did it!

Then one morning the most amazing thing happened. Ms. Castner called me to her class. She asks me to have a seat, and then out of the blue she gave me a cup of coffee and a donut. I immediately thought to myself, “what did I do to deserve this treat?” Well, I did not have to wait long to find out. Ms. Castner said, “Ms. Williams, you did it!” You have passed to the GED class! I could not believe I was hearing these words. I jumped for joy, and the tears started to flow. Oh God, it felt so good! I had done something that most people said that I couldn't do. I was excited to be moving to my next step in life. Yet I knew that I would never forget Ms. Castner.

Every day on my way to GED class I would stop by her class to tell her how I was progressing. She began to have serious health problems and stayed sick a lot. Then one day I had found out that she would no longer be able to teach here. I felt devastated! All of a sudden I realized just how lucky I was to have been in her class. I felt that there were more people who deserved to have a chance to be in her class and to grow like I did. I did not think I would ever see her again.

Then one day when I was at recreational time-out, Ms. Castner called my name. I ran to the gate. She wanted to tell me good-by, and to be strong, and to continue to do what I had started, then she walked away, and I began to cry.

That year I graduated from the LIP program with her in my heart. I wish she could have been there, so I could have thanked her for her kindness, patience, and help. She not only taught me about education. She taught me to believe in myself. The wisdom that I have now I owe to Ms. Castner. She is one of the greatest people that I have ever met. Ms. Castner, wherever you are I want you to know that I am still striving towards my GED, and I will not stop until I get it! For all that you have given me, I thank you. You are my greatest inspiration. Know that you are missed every day.

My father has always been there for me ever since I can remember. Even when he wasn't there for me physically, he was there for me mentally, and I knew his love was always there.

I remember growing up as somewhat of a problem child. I guess that all started when I was ten and my dad got locked up. I came home from school that day to find they had come and taken him away, and I felt like I had lost everything.

Not long after that, I started skipping school, drinking, and smoking pot. No one could do anything with me. My dad used to talk to me on the phone and try to tell me what I was doing was wrong. It wasn't going to bring him back any sooner, and I just wouldn't listen to anybody or anything.

My dad got out of prison and moved in with my grandmother. He found a job and a place of his own to live. This made me very happy. I moved in with him right before my seventeenth birthday. My dad thought that I had changed, but I was actually worse.

I got pregnant with my son Kodie not long after I had moved home. I thought it was the most wonderful thing in the world. My dad thought a lot differently, at first. In May 1993, at the age of eighteen, I gave birth. My dad was there with me every step of the way. Kodie brought tons of joy to our lives. He was the first thing I had ever done right. My dad started feeling that way also.

My son will soon be eight years old. Although he knows where I am and why, he still doesn't fully understand. His life has been turned upside down. He is living in Atlanta, Georgia with his father, and although he doesn't want to be there, he understands that is where he has to be, for now. I don't get to see him much, but he gets letters from me weekly. I make sure he knows that just because I am here, that does not mean I don't love him.

Kodie has made me a very proud mother. He has perfect attendance at his school and has received several awards for his achievements. Unlike me, he loves school, and I know he will make something of himself one day.

etting my GED is very important to me. It is one of the biggest challenges I've faced. One person who has inspired me in the last year is my GED teacher Mr. Strong.

Some teachers that I have had in my life just didn't seem to want to help people succeed in their goals. Mr. Strong is different--he tries very hard to help his students. He takes time to interact on a personal level with each one, seemingly just when they need it. When I am having a bad day he will take the time out no matter how busy and hectic the classroom may be.

When I first began, I had to admit that I was not a good speller. I was worried that if someone discovered that, they would make fun of me. I am 21 and thought that spelling was something everyone my age could do. I have gotten a lot of help with spelling and other areas. No one ever made me feel bad about what I didn't know. They challenged me to learn.

Right now, as I am writing this, Virginia Jackson is helping me with my spelling. Lauren O'Dell helps me with my math. She is so good at it. She uses good explanations. That helps me pick up on the math fast. Kathy Wigglesworth, Rachelette Palmer, Andrea Young, Latonia Beverly, and Mary Hailes are the other tutors that make up this great environment. I think the best tutors are here in this class. I know that without their help I would not make it. These are some of the people I am thankful for.

I have really changed my whole attitude about school since I have been in Mr. Strong's GED class. When I was in high school, I never got the help that I needed. So I stayed out of school, until they told me if I did not come everyday that they would kick me out. I didn't go, so I was expelled! Now I want to get my GED because my teacher and his tutors want to help me. For the first time in my life I am happy about a challenge.

I took my GED test last week, and feel confident that with all of my efforts, and all of the help and encouragement that I have gotten, I will succeed!

My mother is my best friend. She showed me how to love myself and others. She has a heart of gold, and I'm proud to have her as my mother. My mother's love for me, my two sisters and my brother is precious to us all. She has been there for us no matter what-through good times and bad.

My mother is my angel here on earth, and I thank God for her. She gave me the opportunity to be my own individual. She allowed me to embrace her love, and she showed me that motherhood is about nurturing, not only in human ways, but also in divine ways. She allowed me to become the recipient of her wisdom and transformation. Her genuine love is the “main ingredient” of my mind, body and soul.

Because of her, I'm what I am today. She made me a strong person. She has influenced my life a great deal. She showed me that no matter how difficult a situation may become, there is always a light at the end of every situation. She allowed me to recover by reflecting deeply on the soul events that we had and still have together.

I cherish every moment that we share together. If I could have given her the world, I would have given it to her long ago, because God knows that she deserves nothing but the finest things in life, and to me her love is the finest.

She had achieved and successfully accomplished everything as a mother. Thanks to her, I appreciate every minute of my life. I'm everything that I am because she loved me!

I love my mother with all my heart and soul; she is my reason for breathing! She is the greatest gift that the Lord has allowed me to have, along with my daughter and my son, and yes, she will always be my HERO!!!

I remember a time when I was down and out. Carolyn was there for me to pull me out of the miserable state of mind I was in. She came at the right time because I was about to go into deep depression. She's always there for me no matter what I go through; even when I'm very happy, she's there. There's no time that I can say Carolyn wasn't there for me.

There was another time when Katina was there for me as well. She listened to me about something I was going through. What I told her she never told anyone. Katina is very trustworthy. I can come to her about anything. I love her for that.

Last month I was sitting in the dayroom after work. Denise saw me sitting there in a melancholy mood, and she came over to talk to me. Denise made me laugh. What I was mad about left me. I wasn't mad anymore. She's a very considerate person. I'm proud to be her friend and to be able to call her my friend.

My three great friends, Carolyn, Katina, and Denise, have all these things I love about them. Those things are very loving, beautiful, understanding, very good listeners, helpful, and always there for me. They back me up even when I'm wrong, respect me, trust me, are considerate to me, and they are very beautiful on the inside.

Friends like those three women are very seldom found. I'm very blessed to have Carolyn, Katina, and Denise as my friends. They're what I call true friends.

Our daughter, Jane, has a son who is seven and a daughter who is two. She was also a diabetic at the age of two. She has to take two shots of insulin a day.

Frankie, our son, has four children. Kristine, who is nine, is not his, but he thinks of her as his own. Holly is five, and Stephanie is 19 months. Joshua is five months old.

Jane works in poultry, and is going to school part time. She is trying to get more education to get a better job. She would like to work in a doctor's office.

Frankie is the only one in his family who is working. He is a body and fender man. He also has a stock car that he built, works on, and drives at Eastside Speedway in Waynesboro Virginia, from April to September each year.

I am very proud of each of my children. They had a rough life coming up because their father is a drunk. They had to watch him beat on me each weekend. I tried not to let them get hurt. I would get in between him and them whenever he wanted to beat on them. It was hard to keep jobs with black eyes, but somehow I did.

I am a very proud mother and grandmother. I love my children and grandchildren very, very, much.

I have a friend who has four children. She was the only one that worked. Her husband was her babysitter.

When I met her, she was working in poultry and living in a motel with her husband and children. At Christmas time one year I invited her and her family to come to church with me. I had been taking her children to church. I had gotten some information from the two girls and the two boys, one of whom is retarded, as to what they wanted for Christmas.

The oldest boy's birthday is Christmas day. I took some of my savings and two friends from church and went shopping for gifts. On Christmas Eve we had a dinner at Church and also a birthday party for the boy. I was the one who bought everything.

The following year her husband decided to get a job. I helped him by getting him some applications. I helped her by loaning her my car. They took me to work. That went on for a year. I felt like God needed me to help. I would do it again if I saw a family struggling to have the things to live. I never had much myself, but what I have I will share.

There is an inmate in my wing who needs help carrying her books to the library each week, plus her trays at meal times. I don't hurry by her like some of the other inmates. I will take the time to walk with her.

I guess you could say that I do a good deed each day. After all that I have been through I can still do something nice for someone.

Being in prison makes you think that all is over, but God allows us to be here to sit and take time to think. It has given me an opportunity to think over my past and the changes I have to make. An inspirational lady was put in my life. She has a special love in her heart for God and His word. She passes it to everyone she meets. Although being in prison herself, she has her own troubles, but she lets us know that God has a plan for all of us. We have to have faith in God no matter what.

It's hard at times being away from family and friends, although at times He wants us to be alone in order to study His word and get to know Him. He also wants us to follow His Word after we are released, because a day will come when we will be with Him in a most beautiful place called Heaven.

I have seen her make the best of a bad situation. She has the ability to unite Gods Word with our daily living. It has been instilled in me that my God above has a plan for me, even in here, which I didn't think possible. My friend lets me know that if I make a daily practice of reading His word and putting it into action, my life will never again be my own but His. It is inspirational to see someone else love Him and know that this part of my life is a brand new beginning. Being in prison does not have to be an ending, but rather a new beginning to grow in the love of the Lord. As I trust, God will lead me step by step through life's' stormy days.

God is with us always. God brings comfort through many messengers, and my special friend is one of His messengers.

In my Christian walk, He will guide my footsteps. I know that as long as I continue this journey on the right road, there will be a great reward in the end. Coming out of a devout Christian home, it was instilled in me that I must help those who were less fortunate than I.

God blessed me with a good job. On paydays I would go to one of my elderly neighbors and see if I could do something for them. I realized that loving my neighbor as well as myself is one of God’s commandments.

I am so thankful that God has come into my life. I know that in any situation He will work things out for me, and I thank Him for the inner peace that I have within me . As I have said, God is my hero. He is my beginning and my end. My mother is another one of my heroes. God is her inspiration also. She is on the battlefield for God. Everywhere she goes, you can see the way she talks and walks that she’s working for the Lord, spreading around the message of how good and merciful God is.

I have known him for almost two years. He has been a good teacher, and he is fun. He makes me laugh or smile when I am sad or when I am having a bad day. When there is no tutor to help me, he is there for me. He has even shown me movies about his journey to different places he has visited.

He also inspired me to pay more attention in class and not look out the window. He’s given me awards for perfect attendance and extraordinary effort. The things I have learned in his classes will not only help me get my GED, but they will help me in the future. I may decide to take some college classes. I look forward to getting my GED and being able to graduate. Everyone needs somebody whom he or she can look up to as his or her idol or hero. That person in my life is my teacher, Mr. Davies, and I am so very thankful for all he has done for me and also what he has taught me while I am in his class.

I think the year 2001 in Mr. Davies’ class is going to be an even better year for me. I would like to learn how to be a better student by developing more patience and knowledge. I hope this year I will do better on my TABE test and graduate from the Literacy Incentive Program. I want to get into the GED class they have so I can get my diploma and go on from there.

Mr. Davies has taught me how to believe in myself and know that I can make a difference, not just for me, but for others as well. I have learned to not only believe in myself academically, but in my personal life also, I feel confident in myself and know that I will make it upon my release from prison.

One more thing I want to say about my teacher, Mr. Davies, is that he has taught me to be a winner, not a quitter, because quitters never succeed, but winners do and I’m determined to be a winner!

I’m so proud of my baby. She’s such a beautiful young lady who is a very intelligent, humorous, and loving person whom I hold very near to my heart.

The name Tanisha. L. Durham stands out not only in the school and the college that she has attended, but most of all in my heart. I hope that Tanisha finishes college and goes on to be that WNBA star she’s always dreamed of being or that psychologist she’s studying to be. She has injured her knee and has to have surgery on it, but she still is striving to do whatever she needs to as a student and a player on her team.

When Tanisha was a little girl watching her two older brothers go off to school, she cried and wanted to go as well. Once she started, she did very well until she started junior high school. She started to rebel, because her father and I used drugs. She started fighting a lot and getting put out of school. At this time, she is playing basketball and likes it a lot, but because she was so upset at what we were doing, she continued to get into trouble and was suspended from school. She had to attend a school called Alternative Education. She didn’t like it there, so she did what she needed to do in order to be accepted back into public school.

She had a coach who was behind her 100 %. Due to the support of her coach, her attitude started to change and she started progressing in her schoolwork as well as on the team. She graduated from high school and now attends college where she is a very well known basketball player.

I love her dearly and look forward to her accomplishments. This gives me the initiative to strive for my own goals even more. I plan to have my GED as well as all the trades I can learn before I leave prison, thanks to my daughter and seeing the will power she has in her.

There were times in my life when things were going wrong for me. She would feel those vibes and welcome me with open arms. She was willing to assist with any problem, big or small. Quietly, she carried the burdens of her own years and never appeared without her smile.

She spent her final years in a perfect ending, working at the hospital helping patients recover from illnesses. Her presence alone was enough to reassure them that life was worth living. I will always be eternally grateful that God made her a part of my life. She was an angel sent here to show me a better way of life. Her job on earth is now completed and she has gone to Heaven to reap her just rewards. That is why I am dedicating this poem to her:

She was the light in my eyes,
The whisper in my ears,
The shadow in the darkness,
And the reason for my cheers.

She always made me smile,
And that is without a doubt.
She was a very caring person
And will always be thought about.

I do not understand why she had to go
, But it must have been a good reason
Why God called her before the
winter season..

Now she is up above,
Flying like a dove.
I hope she will always remember
That she will be forever loved.

As I wonder, I know that without a doubt my mom loves me. She would always inspire me to do what was right, and I let her down for the third time. When I finally got a visit, I reached out and hugged my mother tight, and I began to break down and cry. When I did this, she also began to cry. I had never seen this reaction from my mother, and yes, it hurt me to know that she really tried with all her might to prevent me from getting incarcerated. I will never forget my mother’s face.

She raised me to the best of her ability. I didn’t have to want for anything, because she made sure I got the things I needed. When we’re together at visitation, her inspiration flows through my blood stream - all the love, care, and support, just being the person she is to me. She tells me what I need to hear and not what I want to hear, such as being in the house at a respectablel time as a lady should. Even when I was in my addiction, she always encouraged me to do what was right. I couldn’t have gotten a better mother. Of six children, I was the one who survived! Yes, I was the only one who survived. I’m a miracle. I wish many times that I had taken her advice. I cherish my mother like a beautiful sparkling diamond.

In spite of being an addict, I am still a human being who believes she has a role to play in life. I have built up a far more positive image of myself, which has enabled me to develop a meaningful relationship with my mother. I now have confidence in my ability to do so. I am able to say to myself and to my mother,” I don’t want this kind of pain anymore.”

Today I understand my mother. I pray to keep our connection open and clear from confusion. My spiritual awakening continues to unfold. I will try to pass on to others the help I have received from my mother. Her gifts make me realize my life is no longer a dead-end “street” without hope.

My mother is the joy of my life. She means the world to me. She’s a woman of God and guides her family to the road of Salvation. She’s a hard worker and provider for all her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.

My mother has taught me to have respect, morals, and discipline to help me through life. My mother never upholds her children through their wrong choices in life, but she always has a shoulder when they fail. My mother is my role model in my life and has taught me how to appreciate the little that I may have. Pearl is my mother, and, just like a pearl, my mother is invaluable to me.

My mother is my first teacher, doctor and confidante; she’s my role model. She taught me to understand and appreciate life. She also taught me that life isn’t flawless. I learned that there are obstacles and dips along the way but that I shouldn’t give into the voices of the world. I have learned to dig deeper in order to tap into my inner resources, and I have also learned to have faith in something other than self.

My mother taught me that when I have tried everything else, I have nothing to lose by trying God. My mother is such goodness and driven strength that it is awesome.

My mother’s love is so unique. She’s warm, gentle and sweet. She will go out of her way just to make sure her loved ones are okay. In my mother, I can always confide. feel safe just knowing she’s by my side. My mother’s touch is special, because it’s filled with love, and all I have to do is reach out my hands.

My mother molded me. She loved me, helped me and taught me. She didn’t go along with all that I did, but I was still a part of her. She’s my friend, my wisdom, knowledge and strength.

My mother and I have been together through thick and thin. No matter what the reason, she was still there for me. I know I will never find another to take the place of my mother.

didn’t think of how life could really be Until I stopped and looked in the mirror. I saw a person that wasn’t me... I asked myself, " Is this really you?" A person wandering off to various places and observing different faces, Being absent minded and having no clue of what to do. So I called out, " Jesus, are you there?" Not one single sound I heard, But a feeling of love showing me of His care. At a blink of an eye, I dropped on both knees. Thanking the Lord, I started to cry. He lifted me up to my feet. I looked up and what did I see? I saw a beautiful young mother of three.

This country made up the cowboys and also destroyed the American Indian land. Now it is out to destroy the cowboys. Machines and modern technology are the thing of today. Modern America and its machines are destroying the cowboys' land. In a way though, it seems fair since the cowboys stole the American Indian land. Both were not fair, but were merely a way of life. More and more land is sold -- the price of keeping it up is the hardest part. Cowboys were paid nothing compared to what their work is worth. They never received their true value.

Will the cowboys survive the next generation or wilt away? Will they only be found in books?

When I was out West, I thought to myself that a cowboy is no normal man. Only a crazy man would spend dawn to dusk in a saddle year round. How could a man survive that? A cowboy cannot survive without a horse and saddle. The true American cowboy is rough and tough, and he is dedicated to the land and the animals. He can fix anything and spends his days alone thinking. The cowboys can stand any weather; I used to. I am stubborn because of them. I am getting wimpy like everyone else now -- I go inside when it is too cold. The cowboys do what they love to do: they work outside, under the stars, sleeping in a tent. I love that way of life. Because I love what the cowboys do, I work in the mountains, under the sky in quiet and solitude. I do the same thing -- I work on a farm. I respect the cowboys for taking excellent care of the land and understanding the penalty we will pay if we lose that place that started out a heaven -- we will lose part of our heritage. I respect and love the land. I was going to be a cowboy and go out West but my life changed forever. Here, I do the fencing, build barbwire fences, and check the cows. It's the same thing, only here it is a farm, only 400 acres.

I see the cowboys as the last remains of an era. I hope they're here 100 years later. Almost every day, like the cowboys do, I go out there with my dog and just think, think everything. You just don't know when they're going to be gone. I want them to be there to be inspiration to other people. They are a part of our heritage that is important and I want it to be around.

Cooking with a friend is fun for me. When you do something, you have got to put in something: you have to put some passion and some love into it. Then what you say afterward is, "Wow I did this and it tastes really, really great!"

This is my menu for the night: corn soup with hot rolls as an appetizer, then the main course of roast chicken with spiced apple, onion, yogurt, and rice, followed by candied beets, and then chocolate pancakes for dessert.

After dinner, we will have a glass of after-dinner wine and some more low music and lay and relax. And maybe then we will take a moonlight walk.

Being a bachelor, I like all women from 18 to 88. That do make it nice.

Questions and comments to Susan Erno