After all this was over, I was confronted with another problem. Had my condition caused some brain damage? Therefore, I had to take an I.Q. test to see how well I could learn. The test showed that I was a slow learner and that I would need special education.

The first school I went to was Venable, where I first learned to write my own name at the age of seven and a half! I also made some friends, who, besides my teachers, helped me learn to write and read at this school. Special education was transferred after a year to Jefferson School, where I learned syllabification and arithmetic.

However, intensive instruction in reading really began when I was twelve years old at McGuffey School. Here I learned a lot about phonics, and I changed classes for history, social studies, and math. I also took physical education classes where, although exercise was limited, I learned to interact with other boys my age. My mother couldn't help me because she had three children to take care of, so she just tried to encourage me to read more on my own. However, the teachers, especially Mrs. Clark, Mrs. Hammersmith, Ms. Haney, and Mr. Gamlin, were very dedicated to helping individual students in reading, writing, spelling, and phonics. This is where Mrs. Yates helped a lot. She was a teacher's aide who spent a lot of time with me, and I remember her very vividly. Also, there was a really good teacher in math, Mrs. Hartless, who brought me up-to-date in the math course. McGuffey helped play a part in my newspaper route job by teaching me to count money and read people's names and addresses. I stayed at McGuffey for six years, and then I went to Charlottesville High School after McGuffey closed.

I went to CHS to get the education that was needed to get ahead in life. I knew I had to take classes such as math, shop, and automechanics to give me some practical knowledge. I also took a home economics class so that I learned to cook well. Two of my academic subjects, social studies and life science, were special education classes, but my English class was a regular twelfth-grade course. After two years at CHS, I went to work for the Daily Progress, and I had to cut three classes out. But I still got the necessary credits to graduate in 1976!

However, I felt that I hadn't earned a diploma as I should because I still didn't have the skills necessary to attain my goal of having my own cleaning service business and not relying on others to help me with my finances. So, in 1980, I decided to go to PVCC and also get tutorial help in reading and math. I continue to receive that help today.

Part of my success stems from my powers of observation. I have learned a lot about people and the way they behave by watching them very closely. This has helped me decide how I want to live the rest of my life. I now am a man who still needs help, but I know that I can overcome my handicap with hard work and accomplish what I want to do in life.

But at once I recognized that English was the biggest problem in my new life. It will hinder me to comprehend American culture: my English was really poor. I couldn't talk with people in English.

I also found my other problem was traffic. I couldn't drive, I felt city's traffic was not convenient; I had to get a driver's license. So I planned to learn English.

I joined Jefferson School ESL class. It is free. I began to learn listening and speaking. At first, I also had same problem here: I could not understand what the teacher said. I was afraid of answering teacher's questions, but my teacher understood my problem. She is very kind and patient. She always encourages me to speak aloud when I was quiet in class. Now I have learned English for four months. I can talk with people in English, although sometimes I can't know all words in talking, but I can understand the meaning. I enjoy the ESL class. I feel happy. I got a driver's license too. I can drive everywhere. I feel the life is more convenient than it was in the beginning here. I enjoy American life.

When my husband I got married we decided to come here to USA, because my husband had a good job here. So my husband found a job for me, but it was very hard for me because I could not understand what the people said, what they needed, and I couldn't even tell them"I'd like to rest," or "I want a soda." I knew the word "soda" but not how to tell them.

When I got pregnant, I left the job. After two years, I started to study English. I think I do my best and now I feel more comfortable, when I speak with someone. Now I understand more than I can speak.

I'd like to have a job in the future when I learn more English.

I wil never forget my first month in California. It has been the most miserable month of my life. Several things have changed since then but I will never forget the sensations.

I came to the States because my husband was studying for a Ph.D. At first we tried to live separately, but we immediately understood that was too hard, so the only solution was for me to move. That was and still is the most painful decision of my life.

When I first came to the States, I did not speak English at all. I was afraid of everything. I shook when the phone rang, not to mention when somebody knocked at the door. My solution to the problem was to stay home, without answering the phone or the door, and watching television. But also the television was a problem since I could not understand most of what was going on, so every day my frustration was growing bigger, and bigger, and bigger.

I had a good job in Italy. I was in control of my life. My job was principally to deal with problems. Every single day, ten hours per day, I was solving problems from the simple to the most complicated, and I was pretty good at it.

Then I took the airplane, and twenty hours later I was like a five-years-old child. I was thirsty but I could not order a glass of water. Then when I got to the airport in Chicago, the plane was late, so I wanted to call my husband but I did not know how to use a phone or even to ask how to use a phone.

To me it looks like it was a hundred years ago, but it was just three years ago. Now I am again in control of my life. I do not fear the phone, I do not fear the door, and most important of all, I do not fear the people.

How did I do it? With a lot of determination. After the first month I was so depressed that I could not even think so I decided to go back to Italy. When I was there I decided that I had to try again to make things work and I came back with a very, very different attitude.

As soon as I got back I started looking for English classes. With the help of my husband, I found several of them which I began taking right away. I walked to the bus station, twenty minutes or so, took the bus, and went to school. I met the most amazing people there. Everybody knew how I was feeling so it was very easy to make friends. Then I took computer classes, quilting, tennis, and ceramics. It was hard at first because I could not understand the teachers, but I went to every class despite the fact that I really did not have any clue about what they were talking about.

What I want to tell you is that all of us had a bad start, but do not think that by staying home you will solve the problem. There are opportunities like free Englishclasses, but you have to look for them. Please do not stay home. Nobody is going to knock at your door and offer you the solution to your problems. But there are several people ready to help you ... look for them ... give yourself a chance to be happy in this wonderful land of opportunities.

I got married in 1992 and we didn't want to have a child at this time, because my husband had to study too much. Sometimes he had to stay in hospital for a week. He wanted to specialize in his profession. I was working, too. If we had a child, I couldn't work. But I had wanted to work and liked my job. If we had a child, we would have to stay at home and spend a lot of money. And if we had a child, we couldn't be free.

Five years later, we began to want a baby. But we didn't know what we would do when we would have a baby. One day, I learned I was pregnant. We were pleased with this mesage. But I had to leave my job, because I had to take care of our baby. We made a decision: I would stay at home for 6 months. And then we had to find a nanny for our baby. After my daughter was born, we were very stressed. We hadn't found a good nanny. I was very bored. I loved my baby very much but wanted to work. We looked for a good nanny for our baby a couple of months. Finally, we found a good nanny. I began to work. The nanny took care of my daughter five days a week. My daughter loved her nanny and her nanny loved my daughter. I stayed at home two days a week and took care of my daughter.

When we had decided to come to U.S.A., we and my daughter's nanny were very sorry. We will go back to our country in September. My daughter's nanny will come to our home again. Maybe I will think about a new second baby a few years later.

On the second time in September 9, 2000, I had an opportunity to come to U.S.A. I came here by myself. I was worried and scared. When I arrived in Charlottesville my aunt took me to her home.

After I came here, I began to study English. I study English in ESL class at Jefferson School. I felt good. I had good teachers and good friends. We from many counntry. Everybody tried to learn and to speak. Now I'm student in ESL class. I think it is experience in my life.

All this could have a profound life-changing effect on you and those around you.

What would you do? Would you become religious. Would you become hateful or just feel self-pity?

Some of us have had friends or relatives where this has come and gone. This could be used as an opportunity to examine one's own self. I pray, as most do, that death would come without sickness, pain or suffering, but just to fall asleep or be asleep and to wake in the presence of Jesus and hear him say, "Enter and be at peace."

I don't think one should dwell on death, but just the opposite. Think of the life you have and do the best you can. As for me, I have chosen religion (the one religion which has stood the test of time, ridicule, mockery, unscrupulous attempts to prove it wrong or to find fault with its recorded written prophecies, the King James version of the Bible, already proven by events that have occurred) to pull me thorugh each day. This is Christianity, a belief in the death, burial and resurrection of the man, Jesus Christ, as well as in the rest of the Bible (K.J.V.)

This is my hope, this is what will get me through another day, trial or tribulation. For, to have hope and faith, is what we need to have a future!

ince you've gone it seems everything is wrong.
I've been a fool, now I see the price to pay.
I thought it was forever, through anykind of weather, and for always together.
I didn't mean to let you down, you have to believe me.
I don't know what went through my mind.
And I don't know why I broke your heart.
How I wish you could forgive me.
Why won't you give me a second chance to let me show you how much I care?
And I will make you understand if you open your heart once again.
I'll try to make it up to you.
I want you to know I swear that I'll be true.
It's sad that you just can't see that I love you more than life itself.
But I'll be here waiting for you.
Please don't leave me lonely because there is no one like you.
That's why I need nobody but you.

When angie, my eleven year old niece died with cancer, it was hard on the whole family. Watching someone you love die is never easy, especially a child. But angie was so strong, she was not afraid of dying. I know she is in heaven smiling down on us.

Another change was brought about by my daughters. They both date and prefer "Black Men." However, as a result of their courage, I have three precious grandchildren and a fourth one due in August. They are very dear to me. I have learned a lot from being a grandmother -- how to love unselfishly, how to give yourself and expect nothing in return, and how to put someone else before you put yourself.

I have taught my girls to never be ashamed of what they do. They can't live their lives to make everyone else happy, so just make themselves happy. Many people who judged my girls are now going through the same situation themselves. Why? I wonder.

A few months ago Richard, my best friend, came out of the closet about being gay. He had denied it for years but couldn't any longer. He thought that once he told me, I would no longer be his friend, but he was wrong. He treats me no differently. I love Richard like a brother.

I went through people talking about him, snickering at him, and avoiding him. How can grown people act so childish? But, I guess Richard is finding out who are his true friends. He is still a very sweet, caring, and wonderful guy who I am proud to call my friend. It's not up to me to judge my friend but to love and be there for him, whenever he needs me.

Yes, I feel I have had many changes in my life these past few years. It has definitely made me a better and stronger person. Angie's dying, Richard's being gay, my grandchildren being bi-racial have all taught me a great lesson in life. If you can accept change and learn to live with it, you can be a much happier person. Learn to live with changes, they happen everyday of our lives.

When I graduated to junior high school, I began to get a little more free spirited. My grades were still kept up though. My seventh and eighth grade years went pretty smoothly.

When I went to Fluvanna County High School, some trouble came my way. My grades dropped and I wasn't earning enough credits as I was supposed to.

My mother enrolled me in a home school program. The program was based on computers. AFter six months of that, I started seeing a tutor to prepare me for my GED program. I got a job and finished seeing my tutor. Now I'm looking forward to getting a diploma in a few months.

I quit school and was going back in a few years, but it took much longer. I wanted a home of my own but that is not here yet. I wanted 6 kids. Well! I got one and I was very lucky. So all of those other things became unimportant. I turned all of my thoughts and energy to raising my son. He graduates this year so I say I am going back to school. It is my time now. I hope to get my GED this year too. I hope so.

I can do things for me again. I went looking to see if I could get a loan for a house and that looks good too. I guess all those plans and dreams you made when you are young can come true. You should never give up on any of them, because if you try hard enough you can have them all. Just take them one at a time.

However, we didn't have a place to spend the first night. Luckily we met a kind man who let us spend the night in his home. The next day we left Shikatse to go to the border. The real journey by our feet began on that day, and it was an unforgettable adventure in my life.

During the fifteen days of our journey, we rested during the daytime and traveled at night. The main reason we did this was to avoid the Chinese police and the publicity. Although it was a very hard journey for me, I did not step back. Finally, we reached the border and had to achieve one more thing and that was to pass through a village, but we didn't have enough food to get all the way to Nepal.

Therefore, some of our people went to buy some dry food from the villagers. But Chinese police noticed them. After they returned with empty hands we were all caught and taken to their main border camp. They searched our bodies and found nothing except money. They kept our money and imprisoned us for one week. After one week they sent us back to wherewe had come from. It was a sad moment for all of us because we didn't make the escape to Nepal. I shared my experiences with my grandparents and they were very sad.

Soon we re-gathered and rented a truck and went to the border. On the third day we rested at the foot of a snow mountain. The sun went to sleep in his mother ocean's arms. The bright full moon rose from the top of the mountain surrounded by millions of stars.

The next day we had to cross a mountain, which was located in between Mt. Everest and another mountain. When we got half way up the mountain, I was thirsty and I ate some snow. It tasted like I was eating a delicious ice cream. After we got on top of the mountain we burned incense and we put up prayer flags. By the time we got down it was very hot. From the hotness of the weather and the people we met on the way, I could guess that we were close to reaching Nepal.

When we got to a village we bought air tickets and flew to Nepal. I felt myself to be very lucky to have escaped from Tibet because many of our brothers and sisters were still suffering under the Red Flag's domination of my country.

Honorable Mention

Today I am proud -- of my schooling and my teacher. My teacher's name is Holly Dilatush. I want to thank her for working with me. Now I have improved a lot. I can read more of the Bible, and also books, and even newspapers. And I have written letters and post cards and can spell many words. I thank Holly very much.

When I was younger I didn't have the opportunity to go to school past seventh grade. But I'm glad that I have the opportunity to go to school now.

I used to think I could never read long words, but now I am not afriad to read long words. I was wrong to think that I was too old to go back to school and read. But I was glad that I wasn't too old. It really makes me happy.

Soon after my birth, it was discovered that I had an eye problem. My eye was crossed, and surgery was a necessity. Mother and daddy knew they could not afford it. My aunt who was a nurse had a dear friend that was very wealthy. Mr. Hillary said to my aunt "you go down to Charlottesville and nurse Judy after the surgery and I'll pay for the surgery." I have worn glasses since I was twenty-eight months old.

I started school in 1952, the first and second grade was in the same building off from the main school. The teacher that taught you in the first grade was your teacher in the second grade. It was a lot of fun and I enjoyed having the same teacher twice. I finished high school and graduated in June of 1964.

Soon after graduation I was asked to come for a job interview at a home for ladies on Park Street in Charlottesville. I was a bit nervous however a friend of mine worked there. Within two weeks of getting out of school I had a job.

When I went to work it soon became very easy. It was sort of like what I had been doing at home except there were fifteen ladies to look after instead of the three of us at home.

My room and board was furnished along with a salary. I soon realized I could save most of my check. By this time I had met James and we were getting very serious about one another.

After six years, I had worked myself up to being assistant supervisor. James and I decided that we wanted to get married. This posed a small problem in that a man could not live in the home. The Board of Directors met with the supervisor and they decided if I would be at work at 6:30 A.M. each day we could live elsewhere and I work there. The supervisor was like a mother to me. I continued until our first child was due to be born. James and I thought it best for me to stay home.

Then came a turning point in our lives. Our second child was born, daddy's health got very bad, daddy passed away. Mother having never had good health had a stroke and ended up in a nursing home where later she passed away.

Our son had finished high school, married, and had a son of his own. Our daughter was roaming, soon to be married. She was married and they soon had their first child, Abigail. Fourteen months later a second child was born, Will. Finances and other problems caused their life to end and the children came to live with James and me. We have a second family. Our grandchildren are very busy. They attending Cunningham Elementary School. They play lots of sports and attend church regularly.

James and I have tried to have a routine for the children. We try to set goals for them to work to. We have tried to give them lots of experiences. We hope each experience will teach them something new. It has been, is and will be several more years of challenges for us. Jaems and I only hope our health remains as good as it is so we can give the children what they need. We hope we will always be a happy family.

Honorable Mention

A long time ago in Japan, when a married couple didn't have a baby for more than a couple of years after their marriage, the wife was often banished. Fortunately, we don't have such a cruel tradition today, but some people still consider a woman who doesn't give a birth not to be a real woman. This idea hurts many Japanese women like me. Although I have been eager to have a baby since getting married, I have miscarried four times in ten years. In Japan, we call children "crystals of love." I have wanted to have a baby who carries my husband's and my blood. Every effort was made to have a baby. To change my diet and to do exercises that were said to be good were some of examples to achieve that. When I became pregnant finally, I took care of myself, but I miscarried. This is the deepest sadness in my life. My husband tried to reduce our sorrow by getting puppies. They became our important family emmbers and they healed us.

Suddenly, my husband and I had to come here. There was no option but to leave our dogs in Japan because of many obstacles on animal transportation and accomodation. I was afraid I couldn't live without them. Besides, the trouble is that this is the U.S. where people speak English not Japanese. Actually, the language is still a big problem for me. When we started American life without reliable people, we suffered from big difficulties. I decided to study English hard. A few people have said to me that they envied me because I had extra time to study English instead of taking care of children. This also hurt me at the beginning of my American life. In fact, I do have free time to study as many classes as I want. These days, I am able to talk with Americans a little not only directly but also on the phone. It is very nice for me to communicate with Americans because I discover new things in daily life. Every woman whom I have met here is leading a purposeful life without showing me sadness behind her. What was my past ten years with deep sadnes and thinking about only babies? Have I wasted my life for ten years? No I haven't. I think I came to understand another person's sadness through my own sadness.

Now I have a plan to become a volunteer to help foreigners by using English back in Japan. Therefore I need to practice English more. Today, I send my Japanese articles introducing the U.S. to a Japanese newspaper and a Japanese TV station. My dream is to send and publish my English articles in American newspapers, too. If my dream comes true before I go back to Japan in June, I want to continue writing my articles in English in Japan. I don't have time to feel sad. I appreciate my life in the U.S. that has given me hope to live. Thank you!

It is true that life is very different, because America has four seasons while Philippines has wet and dry seasons only. We belong to the minority group, but I don't see or feel any difference. Of course, we encounter some unpleasant people or situation sometimes that is negligible. Everybody has her own unguarded moments. In general, American people are friendly, sweet, kind and willing to extend their help and guidance to us immigrants. In some ways there are differences in culture and food, but we readily adopt and adjust ourselves. Our principle, which we are applying and found rewarding, is be nice. People treat you nice too.

We were fortunate that it didn't take long for us to land a job. My first job was in the nursing home where I was trained as CNA and then transferred to UVA. My husband worked at VDOT. He became permanent after five years in a wage position. My daughter joined the Army, and she is enjoying the privileges of being in the Army. In America you get the job based on your skills. In the Philippines to apply for a job there is always recommendation or interference of a politician. They say it is not what you know, but whom you know.

In our second year, we moved to our new house in Louisa. I am so thankful that our dream to land a job, own a house and car has materialized. I thank God for the blessings he has bestowed on our family.

We have no regret coming to a foreign land.

When I was growing up I went through a lot. I had a lot of surgery on my left side, and I had a lot of problems in school. I also had difficulty with my speech. I had to go to special classes.

When I was 18 I went to a place called Woodrow Wilson. It is for people who are disable.d It provides training to help them get a job.

I met my ex-husband at Woodrow Wilson. When we decided to get married, I left Woodrow Wilson and had a baby girl. Her father was very abusive, so I left him when she was three years old.

When my little girl turned six, I went to D.R.S. to get back to job training. Now I have a job, and I'm going to school to get my G.E.D.

ell my life didn't really change until I turned 18 years old. That's when I met my husband. We dated for 8 years. Then in 1994 of August, we got married. For 3 years it was just my husband and me. Then the end of 97 of December, I found out that I was pregnant.

In January of 98 I went for my first sonogram. That's when my husband and I found out we were pregnant with twins. That was a big step and change that was made in my husband's and my life. So as months went by, I had many changes that my body went through. My hands had swollen and also my feet! Even my nose seemed like it was bigger! The babies moved, but not that much because there wasn't that much room in my stomach. But what I think was the best about being pregnant, was the babies' heart beats. Sometimes when the doctors would be listening, one of the babies would move or kick. So when I went for my 6 month check up the doctor told me I had dilated 4 centimeters so I had to stay in the hospital. On that same day my water broke, so there was really nothing they could do but wait. Well, 21 days passed by. Then on June 10, 1998 my daughter was born. She weighed 1 pound 10 ozs. Next, my son was born. He weighed 1 pound 11 ozs. They were really small but God blessed them. The first 2 months were really hard for my husband and me. We had to go back and forth to the NICU (Newborn Intensive Care Unit) to be with them. The second week my daughter was here with us, she got some infection in her blood and her heart stopped, but God brought her back to us. Then my son caught an infection in his small intestine. Then three months came around and they were OK. They had gotten over everything. They were much stronger and weighed more. Things were good, everything was OK. So on September 5, 1998, I brought my twins home with me.

That's when everything really changed! I had to take care of two twins by myself during the day. At night my husband was there. At night it was very quiet because they would fall to sleep at night around the same time. They would also eat at different times. At night they would wake up at different times. As they got older, they would sleep longer. When it came time for them to crawl, my daughter crawled first, then my son crawled about three weeks later. Then when they started to walk, my daughter walked first. My son walked two weeks later. Now they are two years old and in pre-school, but I think they like it. They are learning to talk and all other kinds of stuff. I am very proud of them for everything they do and don't do.

I also have a 7 month old daughter. When I first brought her home, my son wasn't very happy to see her. But now he loves her to death. It's hard to raise three kids but I am doing it through the grace of God. That's how my life was changed. Now, I'm a real busy Mom!

I moved back in with my mother four days later. I hid my pregnancy for six months, but finally my mother realized it.

The next big change in my life happened when I got married in July, 1999. I moved to Virginia. My husband went out to sea for six months, and I realized I didn't love or trust as much as I thought I did. So we got a divorce.

Then I met the man I am now with, and I know for sure that he's the one. I love him dearly and I trust him wholly. Now we have a beautiful little girl together. We moved to Scottsville about a month ago, and I am going back to school.

I am proud of myself and what I'm becoming. I'm starting to love all the changes in my life.

AFter all these years of wandering, I've finally come home. Two years ago, I joined a little church, and that's when my life changed.

I've got God in my life and everything makes sense. I now know fellowship. That and a few more things are what I lacked. Since then I've gone back to school and I am beginning to finish what I started a long time ago. I am like a newborn baby, learning to walk all over again, but now my path is straight and my direction clear. With God on my side, I won't fail. Thanks to my "angels in the outfield," that kept me from falling all the way off track, I'm back on the right track.

My tale is one of many, but "Lord willing and the creek don't rise," I'll make it all the way home. Thank God and keep the faith.

It was very hard for me. I couldn't speak English. I couldn't drive.

First, I got a job, and my brother gave me a ride to work. Then I had to learn to drive. It was too much to do, with a full time job, and going to school. But I did it!

I started school in data processing in New Jersey. It was a nightmare. By then, I could read and write a little bit. Also, the teacher was very nice, and she helped me.

Soon I got a job as a data processing operator. One year later, I got married. After one more year I had a baby boy.

It took me a long time to adjust to life in the U.S.A. I was homesick a lot and I am still from time to time. I go to India to meet my family some years.

It was the biggest change in my life!

When I rushed into the Chinese restaurant, like a bolt of lightning, I saw Timo at the counter. As usual, he greeted me with his sincere beautiful smile. I believe for the first time that day, I smiled back.

Timo was in some of my daughter Kimberly's classes. So whenever I would talk to Timo, I would ask him the same questions like: "So how is Kim doing in school? Is she cutting out of any of her classes?" He would always laugh and say, "Oh not Kimberly; she is doing very well in school."

My daughter Kimberly came to Fluvanna High School about a year and a half ago. She was very unhappy with the school because she had to leave all her friends at her old school behind. Timo took Kim under his wing and made her feel really welcome in her new school.

On October 20, 2000, Timo was killed in a car accident. It was devastating for everyone. I had to question God the reasons why He would take someone so extremely bright. What I really admired about Timo was that he never acted like he was better than anyone else. He would have been the valedictorian of his school. He had talent in everything he did.

When I went to his funeral with my daughter, I was overwhelmed by how many people were there. He truly touched the hearts of everyone in that church, even with me. I didn't know Timo that well, but every time that I would pick up my Chinese food, he always made me walk out of there with a smile on my face.

I believe God has another plan for Timo. I feel we were all blessed to know him. In the small time he had on earth, he touched so many souls.

Even though it hurts to know he's not with us anymore, I feel I have learned a valuable lesson in the little time I knew him. He made it clear to me (after trying to figure out why this happened) that we need to love one another, not to judge anyone, to accept people for who they are, and to realize nobody's perfect. I look at people in a different light now and I thank Timo for that.

I felt like I was on top of the world. Realistically, my world was crumbling all around me. I thought I had all these "true friends." Only in the end did I realize they were just people who had an addiction -- like myself.

I lost all the things I worked so hard for -- like my car. Because I would buy drugs before I even worried about maintaining my car. I would spend my last dollar on drugs just to make sure I had some. I lost the one I loved because I lied about my drug addiction. The minute he found out, he was gone. I was all alone. Yet I continued to lie to everyone. As my habit became worse, I lied to the people who loved me most, my family.

I tried to stop many times. I knew I didn't want to stop. I was only afraid people would find out I was an addict. Oddly enough, I did care what people thought of me.

Soon came that day when I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I had become something I did not like, the person I never thought I would become. I isolated myself from my family and other people I knew. I barely ate, and became paranoid. I was broken down. That night I cried and cried praying for God to help me and give me the strength to quit. I took all my drugs and returned them to the people I bought them from expecting no money back. Without ever looking back, I began my road to being drug-free!

It's been almost one year now; not once have I been tempted or tried any drugs. I am proud of myself. I know if I hadn't made this change, I might not have been around to write this. I've learned in all of this that running away from your problems is not the answer. Drugs don't solve any problems; they are only cause for more. As far as feeling "on top of the world," there are many ways to feel that way without doing drugs! Now I'm in control of my life!

Your learning permit is yours and you will be looking forward to turning sixteen years old and getting your driving license and driving your own car. You can hang out with your friends and go to the mall if you want to. But on your learner's permit you have to be very careful and because you know your mother is on the other side.

After turning sixteen, you go and get a job to keep the car on the road. You try stopping your habit of buying stuff for the car and paying payments and other things and having money to keep your father from taking it from you if you did something to thecar. You don't want him to find out what happened like putting a scratch on the car. Working on your own you can buy any car you want to have.

I want my own transportation, so I don't have to wait for my uncle or any kind of ride, like JAUNT. Most of the time, JAUNT could be late because of other people's plans. They change the time to go to work or to the store.

I drove in my uncle's yard when they worked on the engine, to test the engine to see if there is any malfunction. My sister took me driving in the parking lot hear where she works. It's like you're riding on a riding lawn mower. My sister said, "You're very good on it, better than other people."

I'm not perfect. I can make mistakes like other people. I don't want to make mistakes driving. I want to be a driver who helps other people, like the police, fire department, and ambulance drivers. I want to do something good to make people happy.

Then something happened to me that made me think, what do I really want out of life. One night my roommate and a friend went over to Washington for the fifth time to the same spot toget some more drugs, and we ended up getting robbed. It was about six guys that robbed us. Three were on me and three were on himl One of the three that was robbing me had a gun in my face and the other had a gun in my side. The third guy was going through my pockets. He took my wallet out and found only a dollar and some change. He told the other guys to shoot me. I begged them not to shoot me, but he kept shouting, "shoot him." By that time tears started running down my face. Then about 5-20 seconds later the other guys that were robbing my friend shouted out, let them go, we got the money. So we left and went home. I pray to God for saving my life.

About a month later I moved back to Charlottesville so I could start my life over again. Well, that didn't happen because I started hanging around the same old friends. So I was still doing drugs until my job started drug testing. I got caught twice. My life was in a real mess. Things were going bad for me. So I really got to thinking about my life. I prayed to God to help change me. So I went to a de-tox center and I spent about twenty-one days there. And they sent me to a twenty-eight day drug program. After I left the twenty-eight day program I started going to Narcotics Anonymous meetings. That's when my life really started to change. So, today I'm still going to the meetings and this March 30, 2001 will be three years for me being drug and alcohol free. Thanks to God.

Honorable Mention

The first thing I ordered was a book byEd Heron-Allen on how to make a violin (or fiddle.) Incidentally, the term fiddle did not originate in the Appalachians as may be supposed. It came from "Merrie Olde England." It is believed that "fiddle" came from an old Anglo-Saxon word "Fythele." Over the years I suppose, it finally became "fiddle."

After I got some decent wood to work with I continued to make and experiment, trash and make and experiment some more. I was also trying to decide which of the old makers, Stradivari, Amati, Maggini to copy. (Most all violin makers copied after the old makers -- and still do.) I finally decided on Maggini. He was one of the older makers. He lived and worked in the little Italian town of Brescia.

It took about 40 years of spare time to finish up the one I presently have. I guess the next one will be done by the time I reach the age of 112.

She said it was a good idea and told me to call Pastor Williams. I called that Saturday night and talked to him on the phone. He told me what I have to do. Pastor Williams told me to come to church that Sunday and I came. Pastor called me and I went to the front and he talked to me and asked the church will they accept me back. The church said yes. That made me feel good. I felt that God has told me to come back and I have felt good ever since then. I think that the Lord has called me back to church.

On December 31, at 10:30 I went back to church to bring the New Year in and that makes me feel good. It makes me want to read my bible more and it gives me the strength I feel is best for me. I knew the Lord would want me to spread his words and I can tell people what the Lord has done for me. He gives me life and I will serve him tunil I die.

The reason I came back to church was I had been going to church all my life off and on. I decided that I wanted to give my life back to the Lord because I want to be saved and the Lord would want me to carry his word out to other people. I tell them how he has blessed me and why things are happening in the world. I think I will be better in the Lord's hands. I know the Lord would want me to go out and try to save others.

I like to talk to people about the Lord and try to get them to go to church with me.

Nineteen years ago I thought I had met the man of my dreams. He was charming, handsome, exciting, not to mention ten years younger. He was everything I never had in my life. Our relationship started out pretty normal. He and I did everything together. I must admit this young man swept me off of my feet. Our love for one another grew stronger over the years. He finally convinced me to marry him. Yes, I was skeptical at first, but he overwhelmed me.

He and I accomplished a lot together. We bought a new home, a nice car and with our love we were very comfortable. After being in our home for only a short period, I found out that my husband was being unfaithful. I was devastated. It seemed as though my whole world ended at that point. Shortly after I found out that he was cheating on me we separated. Needless to say I thought that the separation would be temporary. I love my husband and I was more than willing to try and work things out, but a twist in circumstances changed all of that.

Later on, I found out that it was my closest friend, who was my cousin as well, that he was cheating on me with. My life truly ended right there. I had to make them pay for what they had done to me. I cried until I couldn’t squeeze another tear from my eyes. I had to pull myself back together, if I was going to make them pay for what they had done. Trust me, they were going to pay.

One evening after sitting alone in my empty home that was once filled with love, I was wondering, “how can I make them pay?” I couldn’t kill, because I would only end up in prison. No! I told myself, there had to be another way. I didn’t think that I could be so set on hurting another person, especially my cousin and best friend, but my husband had to pay. I felt he owed me his life. I had devoted my entire life to him. That’s when I decided to confront her first--my husband would be last. I pulled myself together, got dressed and went into the kitchen. I took out the biggest knife I could find. I put the knife in my purse and left my house, not knowing that I would never return.

All my life, or my entire adult life, so to speak, I have feared God. I love Him because I know He loves me, but mostly I believe in Him for the things I have seen Him do and not for the things I asked Him to do. Hebrews 11:1 states, “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” I wanted God to head my marriage, but I didn’t have the faith to believe He would, so I took matters into my own hands and now I am here. This has brought me closer to God and it is He alone who has given me the peace and love that I need. Through His endurance I am blessed today because I believe in Him with my whole heart. He carries me when I cannot walk. He comforts me when I am anxious. I truly trust that He will take me through these difficult days ahead of me and thank Him.

Having been diagnosed with cancer and given a short amount of time to live, the pain endured and the fact itself was more than my husband could bear. About six years ago, my husband shot and killed himself in front of me. I remained in a state of shock for three days, while my husband lay dead on my lap.

Still, the question remains, why? When there were still yet so many reasons to live, so much love to give. Having left a suicide note he still left so many questions unanswered answers that he took to the grave with him.

For years I found myself reliving that night. I went in and out of mental institutions, refusing to medicate my feelings and emotions. I sought the assistance of street drugs to get me out of this state of depression. Twenty-four/seven, I stayed high, trying to ease the pain - at some point hoping I would overdose, or commit suicide - so I could join my husband.

As time went by, I was able to deal with the pain, accept what happened and not blame myself. At this point I decided to make some changes in my life, and let others be an inspiration to me.

I sought help outside of mental hospitals and prescribed medications. I joined support groups and attended and completed loss and grief classes. I accepted the love and support of my family. My sister, Tonya, was like a mentor, encouraging me to move on, not to give up, that life is worth living. She held me in my times of despair. She cried with me and comforted me.

I leaned towards a higher power that I choose to call God. I give Him all the honor and praise. For He loved me, even when I didn’t love myself. He was and is my strength. The poem “Footprints” vividly describes my struggles. For it was God who carried me.

My future plans are to seek further counseling, and to start a support group for women dealing with the death of a loved one. I hope that sharing my experiences with them will help them grow and learn how to grieve the death of those they have loved.

When I was growing up I always felt alone, that no one cared. My parents always argued and my brother was never there. He was always partying or with his girlfriend, so I set out to find someone who needed me.

I moved from Texas to Virginia in 1980. Shortly after the move, I met my husband. We started off in a loving relationship. At thirteen I had my first of four children. Over the years we were together, the relationship became very abusive, physically and mentally.

You might say that being married for fourteen years, and being together eighteen years, might be a good thing. Well, it destroyed me. Towards the end I had no self-esteem, no trust, and no self-worth. I don’t remember the day I fell out of love with him, but all I knew was that I needed him. I needed to feel no trust. I needed to feel unworthy. I was needed and that was all I needed. So I thought.

I woke up one morning in 1998 and something drove me to the mirror. I took one look in that mirror and I got scared. I did not recognized myself and I walked away feeling numb. I had to do something. I started with self-talk and affirmations in the mirror. I needed to love myself.

I have all the abilities within myself to make a change. In order for me to make it happen, I had to dig deep inside myself and get rid of all those bad ways; the good I learn, I’ll keep. Sounds easy doesn’t it? Well, hardly. There was no one who could help me, but me. So that is what I did.

I had to learn to love myself and believe in myself. I had to find people to pick me up not bring me down. Now this did not happen over night. This was, and still is, a painful process. It is all about change and that scares me.

One day I opened my mouth and I heard a voice that I did not recognize. That was because all the craziness was gone. Then I looked into the mirror and the person who was trapped in time was finally set free!

I’ve learned most of life’s lessons the hard way. The person I have become has a lot to do with the person I was.

There was a time when I destroyed lives and hurt the ones closest to me. I remember one night me and some of my friends got into a street fight. We jumped this one girl. That night I made a mistake and stabbed one of my friends. When it was all over I had blood on my clothes and my mother saw this. I left out of the house and rode off as she screamed my name in the background. I never looked back. Had I done so, I might not be incarcerated today. Even though that event was not the one to lead to my arrest, the days that followed did.

Only a few days after the night that me and my friends jumped this girl, some other friends and myself got into a similar incident that lead to the death of a young girl. This is the charge which I and four others are now serving time for.

My point is this: had I realized that life’s a game and I’m one of the star players, I would have played my trump cards last, instead on putting them all on the table at once. This game of life is hard and whether I survive or not is totally up to me.

I’m left with a lot of “If only I had…” If only I had listened when my mother called out for me. If only I had spent more time with my children the way a mother should. If only I had put God first in my life like I do now, I would have been winning this game called life.

I’m very remorseful of my crime. I hope this can help someone in some way. We are not all evil people--we are humans who have made bad mistakes. It’s what you do with your mistakes that count.

During the years of my incarceration I have learned that no one holds my destiny but me and with that I am doing all I can to improve my life and attitude by getting everything prison has to offer. I won’t go out the same way I came in. Since I have been incarcerated I have watched females leave and come right back. That won’t be me! With my strong will to do right and putting God first, I’ll play life’s game - but this time I’m out to win.

Always keep it moving and keep it positive.

Looking back at the age of twelve, pregnant with my son Isaiah. I hate the circumstances surrounding his birth. I wanted to tell someone, but was too scared that no one would believe he was conceived by rape. Fearful that they would not understand why it took me so long to tell them my situation.

At age 13 it was hard trying to raise my son, but with the help of my family, I managed to pull through. There were times I would get mad because I couldn’t do the things other young people were doing, because I had the responsibility of being a mother to my child. While in school I met Randy, and so my tragic life began.

The beginning of the relationship was OK, then it began to get abusive. As time went on, the physical, mental and emotional abuse got worse. I wanted to tell someone what was happening to me, but I was afraid, since I knew he carried out his threats. I had a second child named Destiny. When his attacks started in front of my babies all I could see in their eyes was hurt and pain. As their mother all I could do was hold them tight and show them my love, because in my mind I thought I deserved it! In my mind I was a nobody! When I finally wanted to leave, the threats of him killing me were so real the words cut me like a knife. So for 3 ½ years I honestly thought that love was hurt and pain. Not knowing which way to go or what to do, I stayed. Can you imagine how ugly he made me feel?

As a mother fearing for the life of her children. I committed a terrible crime to keep them safe from harm, and here I am for something I had no control over. Missing my babies so much, and wanting so bad to hold them in my arms, asking why this had to happen to me. Hating myself because I was afraid to leave him.

I hate Randy. Everyday I wake up wanting my children beside me. Everyday I wake up hating the things he made me do, because he knew I was afraid. Can you imagine the burden of guilt, shame, pain and anger I feel when I fall asleep at night and wake up with each morning?

At 18 years old, I will now grow into a woman restricted, controlled, and only free in my mind because my life will be spent behind these walls.

In my early years I thought life owed me something. I thought I deserved everything, and I didn’t have to earn anything, that the world and society owed me, which made me angry, frustrated. I felt an emptiness, so I began my life of drinking alcohol, doing drugs. Shortly after, I developed a mind-altering, mood-changing chemical addiction. I was introduced to many different ways to steal money, so I allowed other things to follow my addiction. I believe because of my low self-esteem and my self-image that they were the reasons I chose drugs and alcohol. I couldn’t handle life on life’s terms. This was one reason why I didn’t see failure coming.

I committed numerous crimes, got away with them, and this became a way of life for me. I was lost in a negative and addictive lifestyle. Each and every day was a stimulating and interesting task for me. The task was how to escape from the demands of everyday life. My life had become a living hell. I still never accepted that I created this destiny for myself--somebody else was at fault for my crazy life.

Well, on August 1, 1998 that stimulating and interesting life I knew came to an end. I was caught shoplifting in a store. I gave an alias, showed an I.D. with my face and an unknown name on it. I went down, right down to the police station, where I was booked and charged for the crime I had committed. I also earned myself two more instant charges of forgery. I blamed someone else for that too. That day I was hot! I was angry, bitter, hurt, confused, embarrassed, rebellious, revengeful, and full of hate. I was a mess, still not taking responsibility for what happened to me.

I was sentenced to 30 days in jail for theft, the I.D., and a forged check, and released on bond for the two instant charges. Thirty days in jail was not enough for me. Once I re-entered society I began to repeat the same behaviors over and over again. I got high, I drank, and I stole. On December 11, 1998, I had to return to court, still not realizing the seriousness of this situation. I was sentenced for Forgery on Public Documents to three years--two years suspended, serving twelve months.

In about 40 to 50 days my body began to heal from the damages of drug and alcohol abuse. The fog seemed to be lifting, so I began to think: where did my life go? I was trying to understand how perplexed and vexing my life had become. One day I began to analyze my life, this situation, and realized that I needed to pray. I read enough literature, I read the Bible. I needed help from a force greater than myself so I fell on my knees and I prayed to God for understanding of myself and a new way, a positive way, to live my life. I had made a conscientious decision that I had to renew my mind. I immediately signed up for everything in prison that I thought would redirect my life, my thoughts, so I could learn to gain control of my life. I went through trials and many challenges, but I believe that it took challenges and trials to make me stronger, as long as I dealt with them in a positive manner, always searching for solutions and not dwelling on problems.

Today I choose to model myself in a positive and productive manner. I know that attitude is more important than facts. I have an accepting, caring, loving, willing, honest, determined, hopeful, enthusiastic, wanting- to prosper- and- be- successful spirit dwelling in me today. Today I have successfully completed LIP. I’m in Heating, Ventilation and Air-Conditioning, soon to graduate, also preparing to take my G.E.D. I will not give up on myself again. I practice daily to be a better person than I was the day before. I accept responsibility for my actions, I cause my own conditions, and if I neglect the process of changing and renewing of my mind, those conditions will remain the same.

I began to dislike school, smoke marijuana, and hang out late with older crowds of people. When my mother caught on to my misbehavior she had me put into a juvenile detention center for being incorrigible. My mother didn’t want to see my life go down the drain. She always told me she wanted the best for my life because she loved me, and didn’t want anything bad to happen to her only daughter. She wanted for me to get myself back to the loving, caring daughter that she knew. I stayed incarcerated from October until December of 1993. During this time of incarceration I was pregnant and I did not know it.

On my release I was very scared and nervous. Once I got home and settled in, I wanted to start doing the right thing. I begin to stay home more and take care of my unborn son and myself. Meanwhile my significant other was still running wild, stressing me out, not to mention cheating on me.

When the time came for our son to be born, his father only sent flowers to the hospital. Once again, my mother was right there by my side. As my son was being delivered there were complications that the doctor tried to fix by doing everything that he could, but my son, sadly, passed away. I was devastated. After the funeral arrangements, I found out that the father of my son was dating my best friend and had been arrested for criminal activities. I couldn’t believe he would do such a thing to hurt me after all I had been through. I continued to move on with my life until he was incarcerated.

As things started to fall into place again, my life was back on track but not for long. On Mother’s Day, May 1994, my mother was killed in a house fire. My grandmother, as well as myself, had no understanding of how, once again, our lives could turn sour when things had been going so well. After my mother’s death I turned back to drugs to hide my grief and pain. I ended up with numerous felony charges, which led me to serve prison time. Since my incarceration, my grandmother passed away. I had a lot of pain and griefs as well as guilt resurface, but I did not have drugs to turn to this time. With the help of friends, I got through.

Now that I am in Fluvanna Correctional Center, I have done a lot of self-healing, as well as setting and completing goals. I am ready and willing to go back into society and help other people, who are now experiencing hard times, which I went through at such a young age.

I told him I was gone! - Because I knew he must have robbed a bank, but he sat me down on the bed, told me he needed me, and started crying. So, I ended up staying with him, but I knew we had to get away from our hometown.

We made it to Washington, D.C., where we stayed in a hotel across from a motel where he ran into someone who was selling crack. He spent up all the money in D.C. I started to leave him right then and there, but I stayed and we started walking to Maryland that day.

We walked, and walked, and walked. I cried, and cried, and cried - my feet were killing me, but we kept on going. It was dark and the cars were flying past us, and no one would stop to pick us up. I prayed and prayed that day while we were walking, and I guess my prayer was answered.

An old woman came from nowhere and stopped. She looked at me and looked at my boyfriend and she said to him, “You’re one lucky man!” She said she would not have stopped if it weren’t for me, so she took us the rest of the way to Baltimore, Maryland.

We stayed in a women and men’s shelter for three months and went out to stand in the food lines with the homeless people. It was cold! I went to Social Services to get help. I also bought drugs every now and then to keep from fighting him. I saved up money and we left the shelter and went to New York City.

The first couple of nights we stayed in a bus station. I got tired of that so I went out and started asking people for help. We walked for hours to this place where homeless people had to meet, so that they can ride a school bus to the shelters. I had to stay up to get a bed and the next morning came and I didn’t know where my man was and how I was going to find him, so I prayed to God again.

The girl that stayed at the shelter with me showed me how to catch a subway to get back to where we got on the bus that took us to the shelter to begin with. I thought I would never see him again, but I remembered the way and when I walked through the door there he was waiting for me. I was so happy to see his face! I decided not to go away from him again, so we found another shelter place where we both could be together.

They had counselors, and tables and chairs where we slept on each other’s laps for three months. We also had a counselor who kept the money and the food stamps I received. I had it set up so that neither one of us could get anything without the other. I saved up enough money for us to catch the bus to Las Vegas, where his family lived.

I got a job working seven days a week. I got us an apartment and I was buying our food and then one day my world came to a sudden end. I was working, when his sister told me that he wasn’t going to be there when I got off work, so I left work and called the FBI and told them everything, because I felt betrayed, hurt, and lost.

I knew that it was time for someone else to try and help him, because I tried all I could. So, I went back home. I always said if I ever come into any money that I will take care of the homeless people because I know how they feel and what they go through. I will never forget my experience of being homeless.

It started when I was 18 years old, living in the streets, moving from pillar- to- post, trying to keep a roof over my head. I thought the only way for me to live with certain people was to supply them with drugs, but as a result of that, I became involved with drugs myself. That’s when my trouble began. I became rebellious, angry, and frustrated with life and myself, until I was totally out of control. I didn’t have any control over my life or the drugs I was using. I started breaking the law by stealing, lying, and picking up possession of cocaine charges and an unlawful wounding charge. I was on probation and parole for two years for these charges. When I completed my time, I was released from prison and parole, but I chose to go right back out into society to use drugs again.

During this time, I thought I was tired, but I played games with society, and most of all I played games with myself, thinking that things would be different, and I was stronger this time, but I wasn’t. I just allowed myself to get deeper and deeper into my drugs, and I knew it would cause me to return to prison once again, but I didn’t care. I started prostituting for money, selling things out of my house, and robbing people for their money so I could take care of my habit.

During this time of my drug use, I caught several diseases: syphilis, gonorrhea, and clamidia, which were very unknown to me during my drug use. I went to the doctor. That’s when I had to make some serious changes in my life. I was so glad to be rescued from this life I was living. I got arrested on May 1, 1999. It was the best thing that ever happened for me, because if I had stayed out there, I would probably have died or had a serious disease for which there may not have been a cure.

I was truly blessed by the very best to let my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ return into my life, so I can allow Him to make some serious changes in my life. But before I allowed Him in, I felt very empty inside and went looking for love in all the wrong people, places and things, thinking that I would be okay once again.

When I found out I was as sick as sick could get, I knew that I had to give up everything to start over in order to get well and live a better life. That’s when I turned my life over to Christ, so He could give me all of the tender, loving care I needed to fulfill that empty space in my heart.

Today my life has strongly changed since I allowed Christ to intervene. Since my incarceration, I’ve learned a lot about myself, my surrounding, and the people I live with each day.

I know when I’m released from this place, I will have learned and know what taking a risk at a new challenge in life for me would be. This would help me to live a wonderful and productive life again in society. This means that I must be a loving and responsible mother for my children. Then they will not end up in a place like prison as I did.

y life has been full of challenging obstacles, most of which have blocked my way and I have yet to overcome. I have heard it said that the truth is the light, and it may be, but the truth came to me in the darkness once the system consumed me. Now that I am in my right frame of mind, I see clearly. Not only do I realize the mistakes I’ve made, I long to correct them.

The majority of my life I have battled a war with drugs and lost. As a child I was subject to the hostile environment of drug addiction on my parents behalf. Before long, I have experienced and battled with an addiction of my own. Although I don’t blame anyone for the choices I have made in life, I do feel that my parents played a major role in making me the person that I am today. Even though I didn’t feel loved as a child, I no longer doubt the love they truly had for me, because I understand the wrath of addiction. I am a mother of five (5) and each of my children I love dearly, but in all honesty, I chose drugs as my first priority and set my love for them aside.

The biggest challenge that I’m going to face once I am released from prison is life itself. But there are quite a few minor challenges that I am going to have to deal with, like it or not. The most important one is restoring a relationship with my family by becoming a better mother and opening a door to my parents. I’m going to go back to school to further my education, get a good job to take care of my family and me, and stay drug free. My family and I are going to do things together that everyone enjoys like going to the movies, shopping, skating , Disney Land, Kings Dominion, Busch Gardens, going to the zoo, and having picnics.

After trying to better my life, I want to pave the way for my children’s future. I am going to start by saving money for their future education and telling them the importance of an education. I don’t want my children to follow in my footsteps and drop out of school at an early age. I cannot stress the importance of an education to them enough.

I now know that I can overcome any obstacles because of my trust and belief in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, as well as myself.

I am in the T.C. program here and I am very determined, no matter how hard it gets, not to give up.

Determination is something I did not have before, because I gave up very easily, but I know that it is something I have to have in order to make it in this world. I refuse to give up any more. I want to be the best at what ever God has planned for me in life.

I was an addict and now that I am in recovery, I have a lot of determination to be a good mother to my son and a good daughter to my mother, because they deserve it. They were always determined to stand by my side no matter what, which gives me the strength to keep climbing more everyday. I am not going to let though times get me down or get the best of me. No matter how rough things get, I know that if I keep praying and keep the faith, God will make a way. So, yes, I am very determined and nothing is going to change that!

Losing my son was the worst thing that could have happened to me. Still, I could not stop using drugs so I guess you could say that drugs caused my life to change drastically. However, I have been able to make some positive changes so that my life will not be as hard as it was before all those bad things happened. The most important change that I have made is that I dedicated my life to the Lord. This means I want to live my life the way the Lord wants me to live it. I want to be the best Christian that I can be.

I have found positive people, programs, and opportunities while incarcerated. Even though people may think badly about this place, I have been able to find good things. The reason I’m finding positive outlets is because I want to be a good mother, able to work in the computer field, and become successful.

With the progress I have made, I see my future goals and dreams coming true. I see my three children married and reaching their goals. This short term of my life has helped me realize the good I have to offer my family from my experiences here.

Well, let me tell you about this person who has "Dyslexia." That person is me. I feel confident with talking about the disorder now, because I’ve had two people to come into my life that helped me to understand that I’m okay and that I’m not dumb or stupid because I don’t see things the way other people do.

When I went to public school, I could hardly wait to get to class so I could turn in my test paper or homework. I wanted to get a big A and a happy face on my work. The only thing I would get would be a trip to the principals’ office to explain to him why I had written a paper like that. I would have to sit in an area that students have to sit who have misbehaved in class. I could not for the life of me get my teacher or the principal to understand that I was right. "Okay!" I would tell myself, " I’ll get it right the next time."

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Because of my difficulty in reading, writing, as well as talking, I have been put in Eastern and Central State. I’ve been admitted to the Virginia Treatment Center for Children. I can name about six or seven “Psyche” drugs I’ve been put on because I have this problem.

I used to be humiliated and embarrassed by my teacher in front of a class of students. My teacher would call me to the blackboard to do a math problem. It may be set up like this:

                                    285
                                    x 4

                                    582
                                    4 x

So I was sent home for a good little while and I played school by myself. I would get the alphabet and write all the letters. Then I would try to put words together the way I saw them on cans, boxes or other things I would see around the house. Next, I would get my brother or mother to pronounce the word for me. I had the hardest time with my b’s and d’s. I’m here to tell you I have never been so humiliated and insulted in my life.

The two people who have really inspired me and believed in me are my L.I.P Instructor, Mr. Robert Davies, and my tutor, Ms. Katina Zelenak. I can hardly believe those two people. Even now, when I think about the abuse I went through because I have the disorder, it hurts. My whole outlook on education has changed, and just because I don’t see things the way other people do doesn’t make me any less intelligent.

Isn’t that something? They just realized that this was a serious matter ten years ago. It was a little too late! Never-the-less, it’s okay, because I know now that’s how life changes.

When I look in the mirror, I see my three daughters and my son. I am hoping and praying they don’t walk in my steps and be just like I was. When I look in the mirror, I see a strong, black reflection staring back at me. I am proud to say that today I can accept the woman in the mirror. Sometimes I can look in the mirror and see a different reflection - someone else, but in reality, that someone else is the real me. I shouldn’t be afraid of that person. I must stop putting reflections on others and learn to love that person in the mirror before it’s too late. I will respect and appreciate the real woman who’s looking in the mirror. Then my reflection won’t affect others in a negative way. When I do pick the mirror up, the only reflection that will matter in my life is my own -the strong black woman in the mirror.

I am glad I have taken time out for self to realize the woman who has been there for many years. I was just scared to get to know that person called "me." After being hidden for many years, now I see the positive side in myself.

In life it comes a time when everyone, including myself, has to make a change and deal with a lot of past pain, let downs, knock downs, criticism, and disappoints. I had to go within myself and make a change. Through all my ups and downs I have become aware of how strong a woman I am. It gave me wisdom, understanding, and knowledge to deal with a lot of situations I never thought I could.

I thought the easiest way out was to point fingers at others. Without a doubt, my reflection did change and the true focus was no longer on me. In order to better myself I had to make a change. That’s when I took a good look in the mirror. I am glad I found the mirror and myself.

My life has been full of adversity and opposition. My biggest stumbling block has been my addiction. However , I’ve also learned positive things from that negative part of my life. I found that in conquering addiction , I was forced to stand tall in the face of my worst enemy, which , to my surprise, wasn’t my addiction but myself. I faced the challenges of teaching myself , and most importantly, loving myself again.

Overcoming addiction posed many challenges for me. When I was in active addiction, I felt that it was almost as if another person was inside of me- a person who made decisions, knowing the outcome wouldn’t be good, a person whose values and principles were lost in the midst of a substance. I wondered and contemplated. I became a servant to something that wasn’t even human. It had no mind or brain, and yet I knew that I, in fact, was very intelligent. It was hard for me to accept how easy it was to come into the grips of addiction and how hard it was to let go.

Soon, I began to realize that it wasn’t just the addiction that was wrong with my life. The substance abuse was ugly, verily a crutch, or rather just a symptom of the actual malady. In using drugs, I was able to have an excuse for neglecting the other areas of my life, but in all reality I wanted to neglect them, so I could run from the truths I didn’t want to face.

This person I’ve become, after meeting this challenge, is someone I have come to know and love. My spirituality has become strengthened, and I realize that it was only through God’s grace that I overcame the addiction. Today my life is filled with self-respect, pride, joy, love, and peace.

During my times of turmoil, it was I who turned my back on God, not God turning His back on me. I have dreams, goals, and aspirations, and I know I can reach them with His help.

I feel that, if you treat people as they are, they will remain as they are, but if you treat them as if they are what they ought to be and could be, they will become what they ought to be and could be just as I have. Sometimes it takes spiritual surgery to change the patterns of life. The transformation I’ve made is irreversible.

I went to school in a small town called Smithfield, Virginia. Everyone there knew everybody, and everybody was very friendly. As the years went by (I think I was about 12 years old), I started getting into boys and getting out of my books. I started being rebellious toward my mother and wouldn’t listen to what she had to say. At this time, I completely shut down in school. School had begun to be boring. At the age of 13, I lost my virginity to the guy I was dating, Nathaniel Scott. My friends and I used to call him Emmitt. I thought that I was in love with him . We started spending a lot of time together, but then he became very abusive to me, so I got out of that relationship.

When I was 14, I started smoking pot and drinking real heavily. I fell in love (at least I thought I did), with this guy named Gregory Diggs. I got pregnant and had a son at the age of 15. There goes my childhood; I became a mother before I became a lady. I had to face the responsibility of taking care of a baby and really didn’t know anything about being responsible. So there I was on my journey with my son and we were facing this big world all by ourselves.

I moved away from home at the age of 16 to stay with my aunt. As the next couple of years went by ( I’m now 18), I had two more babies (two girls) and no father for any of my children. It was a hard struggle, but by the grace of God, I survived.

At the age of 23 or 24, I wanted more excitement in my life. Now here’s how my life changed. I started doing hard drugs and drinking hard booze. Bam! Before I knew it, I was an addict who had no sense of direction. All my time evolved around drugs and sex. Not being a mother anymore to my kids, I was strung out on Crack-Cocaine. I lived to use and used to live. I started hanging around the wrong crowd, who was involved in guns, violence, and drugs. I became one of them. So here I am today writing about how my life changed from being an 8 lb. 15 oz. innocent baby girl to a hard core criminal who’s now serving a four-year sentence for malicious maiming, and DWID cocaine (Distribution with the intent to distribute)

Oh yeah, I fell down, but I didn’t stay down. I want my life to make a change for the better. So while I’m incarcerated, I am in school to get my GED and I am in a recovering program to help me with my drug addiction. Through this program I will learn how to be responsible and productive in society when I am released. True, life changes, but this time for the BEST!!!

The Depression did not improve until 1941, when the U.S. entered World War II. But things were not a lot easier then because one of the main problems at the time of World War II was the rationing of commodities. In order to get sugar, you had to get a book of stamps. The book of stamps had to be kept in good condition. If the book got damaged, you were not able to use them. Also you had to get stamps to get ABC products. You also had to have a book of stamps to get lard to cook with. If you ran out of sugar and lard, you wouldn't be able to get any more until the next month. Then you had to sign up again to get sugar, lard and ABC products. If a person ran out of sugar and lard, a person would trade one product for another. Gas was also rationed. People had to walk to schools. Also getting to churches was a problem. People had to walk to churches. People had to walk to work.

During the fifties, blacks went to separate school and churches. Blacks also had to use separate bathrooms and water fountains. Blacks could use public transportation to get to their jobs and churches, but they were required to sit in the back of the buses. Some blacks were paid as much as $3.50 per hour, some were paid $1.00 per hour. After the civil rights act passed in 1964, things improved for the black community. Blacks and whites began to go to churches and schools together. Wages improved, and blacks were able to drink from the same water fountains, and they were able to go to the same bathrooms. Also they were able to go to the same restaurants. Conditions were rough earlier for blacks, but now things have really improved.

Afghanistan is famous for its dried fruits and the most beautiful rugs in the world. It's a mountainous country. I love its high mountains and nice rivers.

Buscashee is a popular game in northern parts of the country.

The people of Afghanistan are all very hospitable and friendly. There are 29 provinces in the country. People speak in several languages in different parts of Afghanistan. The two main languages are Dari and Pashto.

Universities, schools and other educational centers were all free. It has been several years since there were schools for girls because of the war. Now nothing is left due to war. The people who are against education burned libraries, like the public library, schools, and university libraries. It's so sad. There are no jobs for people, only for the group who are in power, no school for children and no food. People suffered a lot.

I hope one day soon peace comes to our country and everyone can live in peace.

Questions and comments to Susan Erno