Coping with Grief
Here are some tips for trying to come to some kind of understanding of what you may be going through as you grieve the death of your child. Included also is some advice that other bereaved parents have found helpful to them.
It is very common to experience physical reactions to your child’s death, including physiological pain. Lack of concentration, exhaustion, lethargy, agitation and sleeplessness are but a few of these reactions. Some parents experience loss of appetite, others overeat. Sexual difficulties can occur. Moderate exercise, rest and more careful attention to what you eat are helpful.
Be careful with medications. Use them under the supervision of your personal physician. Many substances can be addictive and can lead to chemical dependence. Avoid the use of drugs and alcohol. Be aware that dependence on some kinds of drugs and medications may hinder the necessary process of grieving.
Talk about your child with friends and relatives even though this may be uncomfortable for them. They want to help, but often don’t know what to say or do because they have no way of knowing what you are feeling because they have not experienced the loss that you have experienced. Sometimes you’ll have to start the conversations for them and speak first, to help them by taking the initiative to talk about your child or telling them what you’re feeling or what you need at the moment. Many consolers are better help to you when they’re listening instead of talking anyway, so take advantage of their ears and talk openly about your loss.
Don’t rush into things after the death of your child. Put off as many major decisions or changes as you can for as long as you can. This applies to making decisions as to what to do with your child’s belongings, room, clothing, mementos. Let some time pass before you start deciding what you want to keep or give away. For weeks or months, you may want to just sit in your child’s room and look at or even smell things that belonged to them. Don’t be hasty. Take all the time you need.
Crying is an acceptable and healthy way to express your grief and it releases an awfully lot of tension and stress. Cry freely, no matter your gender or your relationship to the child.
After the death of your child, you may feel that you have no more reason to live. That is a very real feeling for many parents whose child has died, but be assured that, to whatever individual degree, this pain does eventually lessen. Purpose and meaning and, yes, even laughter and joy does return with time. Be kind and patient with yourself — give yourself the benefit of time.